


Familiarity Within

by aj_linguistik



Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga), ソードアート・オンライン - 川原礫 | Sword Art Online - Kawahara Reki
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Follows Canon Up to Volume 15, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mild Gore, Pregnancy, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2020-11-23 14:04:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20893301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aj_linguistik/pseuds/aj_linguistik
Summary: Alice is worried. She brought Kirito away from the Central Cathedral, hoping to heal him, but he's basically a dead man walking. She's hopeful that her efforts won't be in vain, and just when things are looking up, she and Selka discover an unpleasant, greatly worrying truth about Kirito. Will she be able to keep him alive long enough to get answers?





	1. Worry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BlackRoseMii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackRoseMii/gifts).

> A/N: This was an idea pitched in the SAO Fanworks Discord AU channel by BlackRoseMii. I have apparently started a lot of feels over pregnant Kirito ideas. Who knew? She gave me her permission to run with the idea, so I will stick to the pointers and desired outcomes she highlighted for me. 
> 
> (Side note- yes, I know I'm stalling on other things to drop first chapters to a bunch of stuff. I promise I will loop back around!)

Alice frowned as she gently wiped the mess off of Kirito’s front. It felt like something a mother might do to a sick child. Was the unmoving man aware of the fact that his stomach was bothering him? She had no way of knowing. There’d been very little that she’d learned about Kirito in the span of time she’d known him. While he’d been fighting her in the Central Cathedral, she’d learned of his fighting prowess and of his devotion to Eugeo, the man who’d given his life in the fight against the corrupt pontifex. Now that he was in this sad state, she’d learned one other thing—one thing that had initially shocked her.

He had the body of a female.

She wasn’t one to make judgements. Kirito presented and introduced himself as a man, therefore a man he was. This presentation wasn’t like Lady Fanatio, who only pretended to be a man in order to gain respect. He truly was a man, but she couldn’t explain how she knew that. She hoped that soon he’d be alert again and explain this to her. It seemed a rather fascinating fact about him.

She sighed and held his face gently as she wiped up the vomit. In a way, she pitied him. He couldn’t help himself. She had no idea what was making him sick. She hoped he didn’t have an adverse reaction to the food she’d been feeding him. She’d triple checked with Selka that these were all foods he’d eaten while staying in Rulid with Eugeo. The door behind her creaked open.

“Is he okay, big sister?”

Alice turned and gave Selka a forced smile. Selka looked at Kirito, worried.

“Do you think he’s sick?” Alice mumbled. “I’ve only given him foods you said you gave him at the church. And he’s barely eating those. I can’t think of a reason other than him being sick for him to throw up.”

Selka gave Kirito an awkward hug and then stepped back to smooth down his clothing. She gasped a little and pulled her hand back.

“Did I miss a spot?” Alice asked.

“No…um…is he…wearing something under his shirt?” Selka asked.

Alice nodded.

“I’m not doing a very good job at his chest bindings, am I?” she sighed. “It’s not very easy, Kirito. Forgive me.”

She didn’t need to say any more than that. Selka immediately understood what was going on. She then gasped a second time, this time drawing Alice’s attention to her. Her face scrunched up for a moment, and then she shook her head.

“What?” Alice said. “You had a thought, didn’t you?”

Selka shook her head even more.

“It’s silly, I mean…it’s against the Taboo Index,” she said.

Alice frowned.

“Just tell me,” she said. “If we can figure out what’s wrong with him, maybe we can help. If he keeps throwing up what little he’s eating, he’ll be even worse for wear than he is now.”

In the two months that she’d been caring for Kirito, he’d lost a significant amount of weight. She did her best to keep him fed, but he just wouldn’t intake much. It might be difficult for him to eat, she thought. She set the cloth down and stroked his head. He didn’t deserve this kind of fate.

“You’ve been taking care of him,” Selka said. “Has he had a cycle…at all?”

Alice blinked at the mention. Come to think of it, she hadn’t had to deal with that. She stiffened.

“I see what you’re implying,” she said. “Indeed, you’re right. He would to have violated the Taboo Index with someone in order for this to happen. There are no legal records of him marrying anyone to my knowledge. But…I understand he’d different. We may not have noticed that he’d broken a Taboo…”

Cautiously, Alice reached over and pressed a hand to his belly. Was Selka’s proposition even something she should worry about? She shuddered at the thought. If Kirito was as exempt from the watchful eyes of the Axiom Church as she suspected, it was possible that if he committed a Taboo with someone else, it might have been overlooked. But she didn’t want to imagine the likelihood of there being a child. In his current state, would a child even survive?

“I’ll keep an eye out,” she said. “If he is with child, we should be very worried for both of their sakes.”

Selka shook her head. She reached back over and gently hugged Kirito again.

“Please be okay,” she said.

The sickness seemed to get a little more frequent as the days passed. Alice made sure to feed him after threw up, trying her hardest to keep his belly full. She didn’t want to see his already thin frame become weaker. She almost wanted to give up hope, until the nausea seemed to calm down. One morning, she didn’t wake up to him getting sick. She smiled with relief and got some breakfast in his system.

“Feeling better today?” she asked.

She knew she wouldn’t get a response. She opted to take him outside, hoping that he wouldn’t get sick again during the course of the outing. He numbly allowed her to slip on some decent outdoor clothes, and she sat him down in a chair with wheels she’d constructed. With just a bit more positivity than the days prior, she headed outside, taking him to a nice isolated spot to get some fresh air.

It was chilly enough at the beginning of fall here in the north that she’d had to properly dress him for wind chill. He looked rather snug. Alice was pleased with herself. If he understood her intentions, she hoped that he appreciated the time she’d taken to wrap him up snugly. She situated him so that he was positioned to see the vast plains of farmland in Rulid.

“Sometimes I wonder what you’re thinking,” she sighed. “Are you thinking about him?”

His eyes weren’t even focused on some distant point. They were simply empty. She frowned. Was there nothing that could bring him back? She sighed and sat down beside him, turning her gaze down the path. She saw Selka running up to them from afar. Alice smiled and glanced over at Kirito, gently placing a hand on the arm of his chair.

“Selka’s coming to say hello,” she said.

She stood up and double checked to make sure he was doing alright. Her worst fear was that he’d go and throw up again. He seemed fine, though. As Selka hurried over to them, she turned the chair to face her and smiled as the girl threw her arms around Kirito to greet him. She then ran around and gave Alice a big hug.

“Big sister, I brought him some bread!” she said. “How’s he doing today?”

Alice gave her a bright smile.

“Better, I think,” she said. “He hasn’t thrown up once today.”

She bit her lip and knelt down in front of him. Selka tilted her head to the side. Alice waved her over. She reached up and smoothed down Kirito’s shirt. Selka raised her eyebrows a little. She placed her hand next to Alice’s. Her shoulders sank a little bit.

“It’s been a while since you last saw him,” Alice said. “And I think you’re right. Despite all he’s been unable to keep down…”

There was no need to point out the obvious. The curve of his abdomen pretty much confirmed Selka’s thoughts from the month before. Selka frowned and gently rubbed her hand over the spot.

“I feel bad,” she said. “You’ve been trying so hard to keep just him alive. And now it looks like there’s a baby as well. This is just too much. How are we going to keep them both healthy, big sister? And what do we do when the time comes?”

Alice shook her head. She wasn’t so sure the little one would survive this. In fact, she was surprised that it had lasted this long. She shuddered, thinking about the problems that would arise if the baby did survive until the appointed time. She bit her lip and cast a painful glare at his belly. There might be no other choice.

“I’ll probably have to remove it myself and hope it lives,” she said quietly. “I pray that he’ll wake up before then, though.”

She and Selka spoke quietly as they walked, trying to think of anything but the sad situation on their plate. When they arrived back at Alice’s little home, they made sure to feed Kirito. Selka noted that he seemed to be eating a little bit more than she recalled. Alice wasn’t sure she noticed a big difference, but if there was one, the reason was obvious.

“If there’s anything else I can bring to be of help,” Selka said, “please let me know. Maybe some better blankets to keep his midsection warm for the cooler weather coming up?”

Alice nodded.

“It’s going to be difficult, but if possible, I want to make sure they’re both safe,” she said. “I have a suspicion…”

Selka tilted her head.

“About what?” she asked.

Alice sighed.

“I think the child might be Eugeo’s,” she said.

Selka’s eyes went wide.

“You really think so?” she asked.

She shrugged.

“He’s the only person I’m aware of that was in Kirito’s life,” she said. “It might be a stretch, but they appeared to be very close. If anyone knew about Kirito’s secret, it was Eugeo. I don’t think anyone else would have been able to know he was capable of violating Taboos. Eugeo supposedly broke the Seal of the Right Eye as well…which meant it could have happened in the Central Cathedral.”

Both women stared at Kirito, wondering if this were true. It made the most sense to Alice, even if there was another explanation she wasn’t arriving at. Even if Kirito could break Taboos, there was no way the church wouldn’t catch a true denizen of this world breaking one. Selka quickly took her leave, probably disturbed at the notion that the Eugeo she knew was capable of doing such a thing. Alice was left alone with her charge, frowning down at his emotionless face.

She knelt down in front of him and put her hand against his cheek. Those empty eyes stared through her, as if seeing nothing at all. She politely asked could she put the swords down. While there was no response, she nodded as if given permission and set down the two blades he always clung to, making sure they were still nearby. She then pulled off the outer layers that he didn’t need in the house. Forcing a smile, she took his hand in both of hers.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better today,” she said. “I was worried.”

She touched her fingers to slight bulge of his abdomen. It was likely only obvious at this point because of how thin he was. She spoke as if her worry was gone, but seeing his thin frame support a growing infant filled her with dread. Unable to control the flow of emotions, she rested her head on his lap and quietly cried.

“Please…come back…” she said. “Your little one needs you.”


	2. Flutter

Alice reached up and stroked the nose of her dragon and hummed. Today was a bit colder than the past few days. She didn’t feel comfortable bringing Kirito outside into the cold in his current condition. She sighed and entered the house, carrying in the vegetables she’d pulled from the garden. Setting them down on the table, she smiled over at Kirito and approached him. Naturally, he didn’t respond, but she checked on the fire she’d built in the stove and grasped his hand.

“Nice and warm?” she asked.

She hated to move him from such a comfortable spot, but she needed to get some food in his system. She pushed his chair over to the table and then went over to the stove and retrieved a bowl of stew. Sitting down next to him, she waited for the meal to cool down a bit. Alice frowned at him. They’d almost been here for five months, and yet she still hadn’t seen him recover from his state. The only change that was noticeable was his burgeoning belly.

Hesitantly, she reached out a hand and felt his stomach. If she’d had her doubts before, there was certainly no denying it now. She stroked his belly with her thumb and sighed, smiling softly as she stared at the obvious bulge present there. As pitiful as the situation was, she was pleased to know the little life was thriving and growing.

“You’re fighting hard in there, aren’t you, little one?” she said.

Shaking her head, Alice turned back to back to the food and checked to see if it was cool enough. She started to feed him, trying to ignore how distressed this whole thing made her. Every day, her hope waned just a bit for this situation. Would she eventually have to save the child and give up on Kirito? She couldn’t bear the thought. Trying to push it out of her mind, she finished feeding him and then placed him back by the fire. She hurriedly ate her own supper, cleaned up the dishes, and then drew a bath for herself.

Slipping into the waters felt like heaven after a day of tending to the garden, sorting out scuffles between greedy villagers, and taking care of her charge. She wanted to simply remain in the warmth of the bath forever, soothing her aching muscles and heart. It only felt fair to allow herself to take a little extra time to just soak up the heat of the bath and the cleaning agents she’d applied to it. They weren’t the best in all of Norlangarth, no, but they were still a luxury to her.

Her mind wandered off, thinking about what would happen if Kirito didn’t awaken. She’d never had to preform such an operation before. How did one even go about removing an infant from a comatose mother? She presumed her sword or perhaps a decent knife might be capable of doing the job, but she feared her lack of experience might lead her to cut too deeply. Despite the warmth of the bath, she shuddered. She didn’t want to harm Kirito or the baby.

The sound of something falling over caught her attention. She sprung out of the bath and hurried to dry herself off as best as she could, and then she wrapped herself in her robe and hurried out to find Kirito had fallen on the floor. She walked over to him, intent on picking him back up, when, to her surprise, he turned his head and he looked at her, with wide eyes.

“Where…are…we?”

His voice was hoarse, but it was clearly his. Alice thought that she might faint on the spot. She dropped down beside him and went to pick him up, but then she froze when she looked down at him. His hand was pressed against his belly. It was trembling.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

He followed her gaze down to his hand.

“It startled me…” he mumbled. “My stomach…it felt like something moved…”

Alice’s eyes widened. She nervously picked him back up and set him back in the chair. He glanced around the cabin, still confused. She very calmly explained to him that she’d taken him away from the Central Cathedral after the battle, and that they’d been here for nearly five months. As she was finishing up that part of the explanation, he jumped a little and clutched his belly again.

“Movement again?” she asked.

He nodded.

“I don’t know what that feeling is…” he said. “It’s strange…”

He stared down at his belly and frowned.

“If it’s been…almost five months…then how…?” he trailed off.

Alice took a deep breath.

“You’re feeling your little one move,” she said, almost smiling.

The look on his face was incomprehensible. She didn’t know what he thought about that statement. For a brief moment, he looked up at her with a wild look in his eyes—one that spoke to his desire to not believe what she was saying. His eyes dropped down to his belly. His shoulders started to shake.

“Eugeo…”

Alice tilted her head.

“What about him?” she asked, trying to keep her voice calm.

Kirito lifted his hand and covered his face as he broke down sobbing. Alice hurriedly wrapped her arms around him, doing her best to console him. His body shook as he sobbed over the loss of his partner. Her wondering mind knew at last—Eugeo had to be the father. All that was left of the fallen hero was a broken sword and the baby his apparent lover was carrying.

By the time his crying ceased, it was too late for her to even consider helping him bathe. She helped him change into his night clothes and then helped him get into the bed. His legs still worked. He’d been using them minimally to get in and out of the chair and bed this whole time. However, he seemed a bit shaky, perhaps because he was still processing Eugeo’s death and the news that he was expecting. He rolled over and faced the wall, keeping his back to Alice.

“This is weird…” he finally muttered.

“What is?” she asked.

He shifted around, seeming rather uncomfortable. He ended up giving in and rolling onto his back. Alice looked at him expectantly. Kirito stared down his front at his belly. He pressed his hand against it. Smiling, Alice sat up and reached over to put her hand beside his. She gently stroked his belly with her thumb.

“I think you’re rather lucky,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “A part of Eugeo lives on right here.”

Tears glittered at the edges of Kirito’s eyes.

“He’ll never know…” he said, his voice wavering. “Eugeo will never know he’s a father…”

Alice nodded.

“That’s true,” she said, feeling sorry for him. “But I know he’s watching over you both. His soul will be with you through this. He’s been watching over you this whole time, Kirito. He’s been protecting your little one while you couldn’t.”

All she could do beyond that was pull him into her arms and cradle him as he cried himself to sleep. It felt like an eternity that she sat there, holding him gently to her chest, like a mother consoling a child. He eventually fell asleep in her arms. She laid him down on his pillow, tucked the blankets around him to ensure he was protected from the cold, and then respectfully turned her back and fell asleep on her side of the bed.

The next morning, she woke up and wondered if she’d imagined it all. Kirito dozed beside her, though, in a position that looked much too natural for it to be him in his catatonic state. His hand clutched the pillow, and he was rolled on his side and curled up a little. Alice smiled, happy to know he was at least well enough to enjoy a good rest, and then she worked on a nice breakfast. Since she didn’t see him stir at all, when she was done, she went back over to the bed and gently shook his shoulder.

“Kirito, are you hungry?” she asked.

His eyes opened slowly. He blinked at her. The drowsy look on his face looked so innocent she could almost forget she’d once arrested this man for murder. He pursed his lips, giving the impression he was going to say no, but his eyes went wide a moment later when his stomach growled obnoxiously loud. Alice laughed.

“It’s not the best food ever, but it’s something,” she said.

Kirito picked himself up and headed to the table. His trek was slow and steady. He was going to need some time to get back into the habit of regularly walking more than a few steps. Alice pulled out the chair for him and watched him as he slipped down into it. She smiled and set down a bowl of food in front of him. By instinct, she picked up the spoon to feed him, but she stopped herself and awkwardly handed him the spoon. He frowned.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

He hummed.

“I’m right-handed,” he said quietly.

He reached over and grasped his right shoulder. Alice didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t have much of a choice which hand he used now. She set the spoon down on the left side of his bowl and made her own breakfast. She kept her eye on Kirito all the while and was pleased when he finally picked up the spoon and started slowly dishing his food into his mouth. He finished up his bowl then sat back in his chair, sighing. He held his belly and finally, for the first time in months, gave her a small smile.

“That was pretty good, Alice,” he said. “Don’t be so bashful about your cooking.”  
“Well, it’s not as good as what the chef back in the Central Cathedral might make up,” she said, staring down at her portion.

He shook his head.

“Maybe not, but you’ll get a gold star from me!” he said.

She laughed a little.

“You say some funny things, Kirito,” she said. “Do you need more?”

He frowned down at his belly. It looked a bit taut. She couldn’t tell if that was because he was full or because of the baby. Kirito shook his head.

“I don’t think I could fit another bite,” he said. “But thank you.”

Alice nodded.

“Hey, do you think Eugeo’s parents...” Kirito said, trailing off.

His eyes were still focused on his belly. Alice frowned. While news of Eugeo’s death was old news to the people of Rulid, none of them seemed to care—not even his parents. He’d left home and that had been that. It almost felt as if the people of Rulid had rejected Eugeo simply for leaving. She didn’t know what they’d think when they found out Eugeo had left behind an unborn child.

“I don’t think they have to know,” she said, avoiding his gaze as soon as he looked up. “They won’t treat you any friendlier knowing you’re carrying his child. We aren’t permitted inside the limits of Rulid, Kirito. Selka will bring us small things if we need them. She’s going to help make sure we have what we need to prepare for the baby’s arrival.”

He clutched his belly and swallowed.

“I know we have some time, but we’ve been trying to prepare ourselves,” she said. “We were scared we would have to have removed the baby ourselves…”

“I’m sorry, I just…I’ve never done this before…” he said.

Alice gave him a warm smile.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” she said. “Though, if you don’t mind…I’d like to ask you something personal.”

Kirito lifted his head and gave her a curious look.

“What is it?” he asked.

She bit her lip. She didn’t know how to phrase it without possibly offending him.

“Could you explain how you are a boy?” she asked. “I’m afraid all I understand is that you’re a boy—you’re interesting to me. I just simply want to understand. I hope my wording wasn’t too poor.”

He gave her a funny smile.

“I’ll do my best to explain it,” he said. “It’s no easier in my world to explain, but I hope I can clarify everything.”

Alice nodded her head eagerly. She listened intently as Kirito launched into a discussion about his gender identity. She hoped that while she was learning interesting things about her friend, it was taking his mind off of Eugeo. But she knew she’d have to deal with these ups and downs as they came. He’d only just come to last night. He still needed time. 

So, she'd do her best to give it to him. 


	3. Adjustments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I went way longer on this than I expected. Whoo. More words for the people!

The sound she woke up to in the wee hours of the morning was an awful retching coming from outside. She reached over to the opposite side of the bed and frowned. It was empty. She snatched up a blanket and hurried outside to see Kirito bent over at the edge of the tree line emptying his stomach. As she got closer, she could see a cold sweat dripping off of his body. She quickly placed the blanket on his shoulders. He’d get sick if he let the frigid air cling to his sweat like that.

“Do you want to come sit down?” she asked gently.

He didn’t look at her. He kept shaking. Alice sighed and reached up to stroke his hair.

“Eugeo…Eugeo…”

She grasped him by the arm and carefully steered him back inside. She had to coax him to sit down on the bed. His breathing sounded more like gasping, as if he’d just been running at top speed. She went and got a cloth to wipe off his forehead. She grasped his hand.

“I know,” she whispered.

Kirito’s shoulders shook.

“I know, I miss him, too,” she said.

She got him to lay back down. He rolled onto his side and clung tightly to his pillow. Sighing, Alice gently stroked his back. He finally released his tension in the form of a wail. He sobbed until he fell asleep. She didn’t want to fall asleep and miss a second episode, but tiredness eventually took her, too.

Kirito’s adjustment to life like this was harder than she’d expected. While he was definitely quickly getting back on his feet and performing things by himself, his emotional state was extremely unpredictable. One moment, he might be cracking jokes with Selka and her, or he might be cheerfully talking to Amayori outside. But he would also have these breakdowns every so often, crumpling up into a ball and crying himself to sleep over the loss of Eugeo.

She didn’t want to seem harsh on him. At this point, though, they had about three months before the baby arrived. She couldn’t imagine what would happen if he still grieved over Eugeo when there was a little one to take care of. All she knew was that she was at a loss for how to help him. She’d never had a lover to lose.

The rest of the day carried on seemingly without incident. Even in the fall weather, Kirito insisted he come outside and help with the garden now that he was more mobile. At first, she’d protested—he shouldn’t be straining himself, especially in the chilly air. But if it was something to keep his mind occupied and out of a low, she realized she’d have to accept it. She glanced over at him, pausing her work.

His eyes looked so focused she wondered if he even noticed the cold. He was on his knees, bent over and trying to pick the last of the vegetables in his area. After a few tries, he was getting quicker. She did wonder, though, how he was managing this all with one hand. She appreciated his help. This would be the last day for harvesting of the season before they needed to start taking all the food they’d picked and prepare it for winter. She quickly finished up her section and got up to head over to Kirito.

When he noticed her approaching, he straightened his back up and smiled up at her. He’d managed to get dirt on his face as well as all over his coat. She couldn’t help but giggle at that. She knelt down beside him and looked at the patch he’d been clearing.

“I’m almost done,” he reassured her.

“I don’t mind helping,” she said. “We’ll be done faster, and then we can start preparing it for winter when Selka comes by. Plus, if I’m hungry, I’m sure you are.”

Kirito laughed.

“I could hear your stomach all the way over here,” he teased.

Alice gave him a look and started to pull up some of the remaining potatoes. He bent over to join her, but then his head snapped up and his face split into a wide grin. He awkwardly leaned on Alice and hopped up to his feet. She turned her head to see what he was doing and saw Selka dashing up the path with something cradled in her arms.

“Selka!” Kirito called.

He waved at her. She hurried over to him, giggling.

“You’re all covered in dirt!” she said.

“Ah, yeah, sorry,” he said.

He wiped his hand on his front. Alice grimaced. He had no tact at all. She’d have to steal that coat from him to give it a good wash later. Completely ignoring that he was dirty, he pulled Selka into a hug. She didn’t seem to care. She dropped her bag on the ground and returned his hug with such vigor that Alice was afraid he’d snap in half. Selka’s eyes snapped open and she jumped back.

“Is something wrong?” Kirito asked.

“Oh, no…that just startled me!” she said, laughing.

Selka put her hand on his belly and smiled.

“Hello to you, too!” she said.

Alice put the last of the potatoes into her basket and headed over to greet Selka. They all went inside to get out of the chilly air. Alice set about cleaning up the vegetables while insisting that Kirito go and clean all of the dirt off of himself. He washed off and got into a clean set of clothes. He ambled out of the bedroom with his shirt sash in one hand.

“Selka…do…do you mind?” he asked. “I still haven’t gotten the hang of tying this with one hand.”

“Oh! Not at all!” she said.

She took the sash while he held his shirt in place and spent a few moments trying to decide where to tie it—over or under his belly. In the end. She went for over. It didn’t hold much down if she did it under it. She was silently grateful that he had an undershirt on that covered up what was exposed of his stomach.

“You’re going to need a new shirt, Kirito,” she lamented.

He frowned and stared down at his belly.

“It works fine,” he said.

Selka laughed and patted his belly.

“Someone still has a bit of growing to do!” she said. “And you’re already running out of space in this shirt! I’ll make sure to get you something that fits you better, okay?”

Alice came over and joined them, offering a cordial smile.

“She’s right,” she said. “That baby is only going to get bigger. Your shirt’s getting way too small.”

He sighed and plopped down into a chair. He clutched his belly and his face contorted a bit. Alice recognized the funny look on his face and calmly told Selka that it was best if she left them be for a bit. She didn’t want her to witness him having another meltdown. Selka gave him a quick hug and then took her leave. Alice turned to Kirito and walked over beside him.

“I want them to let me out of here,” he said quietly.

“Who?” Alice asked.

Her mind flashed back to the voices she’d heard Kirito speaking to back in the Central Cathedral. She frowned and swallowed. He wasn’t from this world. He wanted to leave it. But what would happen to him and his child if he did leave it?

“The people who put me in here want me to take you to the World’s End Altar in the Dark Territory,” he said. “And they probably won’t let me out until I do that.”

He bit his lip.

“Would you be willing to come with me there?” he asked. “I know it’s asking a lot. But I’ve been separated from my own world for almost three years. I want to leave before I have to deliver this baby.”

Her eyes widened.

“But…Kirito…we shouldn’t be traveling so far with you in this condition,” she said.

He shook his head.

“I don’t care,” he said. “If I leave the Underworld now, I won’t have this baby. If I leave it after it’s born, I still won’t have it. Does that make sense?”

She shook her head. He grasped her hand and pressed it against his bulging stomach.

“This isn’t happening to the real Kirito,” he said, his voice cracking. “This isn’t my real body, Alice. My real body is back in my world, waiting for my mind to return to it. I can’t take my baby with me without asking them. But I’d rather not tell them about this.”

Alice felt herself trembling.

“Don’t you…don’t you love your child?” she asked.

There was a dark expression on his face.

“I just don’t want to grow attached to a baby I can’t keep, Alice,” he said.

She could hear the pain in his voice. This clearly was tearing him apart. He knew he had to go back to his home world someday. He didn’t want to go without his and Eugeo’s child. The only answer he could come up with was to leave before his heart hurt more. Alice looked down at him with pity.

“I won’t force you to go,” he said.

A pang of guilt hit her squarely in the chest.

“L-let me think about it,” she said.

The conversation stopped there. Kirito went and laid down for a nap before dinner. She distracted herself from their conversation by preparing their dinner and the rest of their harvest for the winter months. As she worked, she lost track of time. She was brought back to the present when outside, Amayori trilled sharply. She dropped the remaining carrots in her hands and hurried outside to see what had upset her. Amayori was sitting with her nose turned up to the sky. Another dragon was circling around.

“Is that…Takiguri?” Alice mumbled.

Her heart leapt into her mouth. How had _he_ found her? She braced herself for whatever conversation was coming her direction as the other dragon landed in the clearing. She raised her head to meet the gaze of mentee as he dismounted his steed and walked over to her.

“Eldrie…what are you doing here?” she asked.

He gave her a soft smile.

“I was patrolling the end mountains and Takiguri started behaving oddly,” he said. “He must have known Amayori was nearby. You’re looking well, Lady Alice.”

She smiled back and nodded her head.

“And you as well,” she said.

He held up a bottle of wine and nodded to the house.

“Do you have any glasses?” he asked.

“No, but I have some cups that will do just fine,” she said.

Nervously, she allowed him to come into the house. When she opened the door, she still didn’t see Kirito in the main kitchen and sitting area. She waved for Eldrie to sit down while she retrieved some cups for them to drink out of. He poured the wine into each cup and then passed one over to her.

“We could really use you when the war begins,” he said, his voice desperately trying to hide distress. “You’re very powerful. Your might would be welcomed with open arms.”

Alice swirled her drink around a moment before taking a sip. This was now two votes for her to head towards Eastabarieth and the Eastern Gate. She didn’t want to mention the World’s End Altar to Eldrie just yet. She still wasn’t sure whether she wanted to leave or not. It was a heavy decision.

“This is a fine wine,” she commented.

He nodded.

“Naturally,” he said. “It came straight from East Centoria.”

She almost laughed at his serious tone regarding the wine.

“I’ll think about it,” she said. “There are things still tying me down here. It’s not an easy decision to make.”

Eldrie’s brow furrowed.

“What could possibly be tying you down _here_?” he asked.

Before she could answer, another voice spoke up—one that neither of them was expecting to hear during their conversation. Alice turned towards the bedroom door as soon as she heard him speak.

“Alice, is that…?”

“Lady Alice, are you still harboring him?!” Eldrie exclaimed.

He glanced at Kirito. Alice turned her eyes to him and frowned. He seemed perplexed to see Kirito standing there. Of course, it was only natural that his eyes would bug so. He’d last encountered Kirito in a battle wherein he’d tried to kill him as an escaped prisoner. The person standing in the doorway now was missing a limb and swollen with pregnancy. It must have caused him some dissonance.

“You!” Eldrie exclaimed.

Kirito pointed at himself and frowned.

“Me?” he said. “What did I do?”

Eldrie was shaking.

“I tried to kill you…were you…in that condition…when I…?”

Alice almost threw her head back and laughed, but she resisted the urge to do so. Kirito’s face flushed red with embarrassment. The answer to this question was quite possibly yes. She realized, then, that she’d most likely fought Kirito while he was with child just the same. She waited for him to answer Eldrie.

“I…I suppose I had to be…” he stammered. “The only time it could have happened was while Eugeo and I were in jail…”

Eldrie looked as if he might faint.

“P-please don’t feel bad!” Kirito stammered. “I didn’t know, either!”

Drawing in a breath, Eldrie turned his attention back to Alice.

“Is this why you’re staying here?” he asked.

Alice glanced back over at Kirito. Was he the only reason for her hesitation? She desperately didn’t want to head onto a battlefield with him; he was too far along at this point for that to be reasonable. At the same time, she felt horrible leaving him here alone. Only Selka was kind to him out of the villagers. He would end up being alone if the battle was long or she died, having only Selka beside him as he brought his first child into the world.

“I suppose so,” she said finally.

Eldrie frowned and glanced over to Kirito. The latter was holding his stomach and eyeballing the simmering stew. Alice reached across the table and grasped Eldrie’s hand. She smiled at him.

“I’ve been contemplating going,” she said quietly. “Please give me time to find an answer for myself.”

He didn’t seem satisfied with that answer, but he took it. He gave a slight nod and then sat back in his chair. Blinking, Kirito looked between the two and then waddled over to try and sneakily make himself a bowl of food. Alice gave Eldrie a warm smile and glanced back over at Kirito as he spooned stew out of the pot.

“You’re welcome to stay for dinner, if you like,” she said.

Eldrie shook his head.

“I appreciate the offer, but I have to get back and report to the commander,” he said. “If you decide not to come, please at least send word.”

“Of course,” she said.

He looked a bit nervous. He glanced over at Kirito.

“Would you step outside with me for a moment?” he asked.

She nodded. They stepped outside. The air was much chillier than she recalled it being before. Eldrie averted his eyes and grasped the back of his head. She looked up at him expectantly. He took a breath.

“Forgive me for being so forward, Lady Alice,” he said.

She wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but then he leaned forward and grasped her hand, planting a kiss on it very gently. Alice felt her cheeks burn. The gesture made her heart start to flutter in her chest. He stood back up. His cheeks were tinged with pink.

“I do hope to see you again,” he said.

The breeze lifted his hair a bit as he spoke.

“If not, then this is farewell.”

She stared after him numbly as he let her hand go and headed back to Takiguri. He mounted his dragon, gave her a small wave, and then they took off to the skies, heading back east to the army’s encampment. She pressed her hand over her heart and grasped it with the other. As she walked back inside, she looked over at Kirito, who blinked at her for a moment and then smiled smugly at her.

“Wh-what are you staring at?!” she exclaimed.

“Nothing,” Kirito said, chuckling to himself.

He spooned some stew into his mouth and hummed, seemingly content for the moment. She retrieved her own bowl of dinner and then sat down next to him. She watched him as he quickly emptied the bowl. Smiling, she nodded at the pot.

“Go get some more, if you like,” she urged.

He seemed awkward about it for only a moment, but then got up and refilled his bowl. He happily sat back down and started to spoon the next portion into his mouth. It warmed her heart to think that he enjoyed her cooking this much. She didn’t want to leave him to take care of himself. It just seemed cruel.

_I’m sorry, Eldrie_, she thought. _I don’t know if I can leave him here alone._


	4. Mixed Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I realized too late I was going to have to switch POV back and forth like Reki for this fic. Some scenes just don't work well from Alice POV. Dangit.

A lucid dream.

Perhaps just a vivid nightmare.

The Underworld was both of these things and neither of them at the same time. It was too real to be a dream, but too fantastical to be a nightmare. I wonder how I still knew this wasn’t reality after all of this time. Every little thing felt so tangible. Unlike other VR worlds, I couldn’t tell at first that I’d even been in one.

That false reality made it difficult to separate from a fiction. Just like with Sword Art Online, I was trapped somewhere just outside of reality itself—but it was all too real to me. I lived here. I felt things here. Every blade of grass, every strand of hair. Sometimes I’d pinch myself and wonder if I’d wake up back in my bedroom in Tokyo, and when I didn’t, I’d have the faltering thought that perhaps I’d dreamt up a place like Japan.

Was it an excuse for what I’d done? No. Not at all. I’d left the world I’d been born in and somehow ended up here. I didn’t remember going to do a test dive—had it been so long that I’d forgotten the reason I was inside the STL? It had been long enough for me to cave to something that went against my normal morals. Having admitted it the other night, I think it finally hit me full force once it was out in the open.

Eugeo and I had slept together.

I couldn’t explain to just anyone what bond we had. It was something I’d never felt with Asuna before, and admitting that makes me feel even guiltier. How desperate had we been that we’d chosen to break our own personal rules to have sex in a jail cell? Where had we thought we were going with all of that back then? What would I have done had Eugeo survived? Truthfully, I still had to answer for that.

Rolling onto my side, I gazed at Alice in the bed beside me. She was fast asleep, oblivious to my inner turmoil. I sighed, glanced down at myself, and pressed my hand to my belly. If I could just convince Alice to go to the real world, Kikuoka and Higa would let me out of the dive. I was sure of that. If I was let out now, before this new fluctlight was created in their system, all I’d have was an uncomfortable memory of my crimes against Asuna. I could continue my life without ever confessing I’d fallen for someone else.

I felt that strange sensation of movement in my belly and bit my lip. Again, everything in this world felt so real. I wondered if this was really how carrying a baby felt, or if it was just an attempt to recreate the feeling with the STL. It was that movement, I suspected, that woke me up from the state I’d been in. But perhaps it was more than that. I shifted myself, trying to get comfortable, and I fell back asleep.

The next day, Selka came over to bring us some bread. She hurried over to me and asked if she could feel my belly again. I told her that was fine. She pressed her hands against my abdomen and waited until the baby started kicking. Selka giggled and rubbed the spot where the kicking felt the strongest.

“I think she likes you,” I said, chuckling.

Selka’s mouth turned into a little ‘o.’

“You want a girl?” she asked, smiling up at me.

I had to resist the urge to frown. Selka didn’t know anything about my desire to leave the Underworld soon. She was anticipating being here with me until the baby arrived. I swallowed and tried to think of an answer that wouldn’t break her heart. I forced a grin and patted her head. Her smile got just a bit brighter, and she leaned over to press her cheek against my belly. I wondered if this meant that she’d gotten past the awkwardness of knowing this was Eugeo’s child.

“Ah, that’s right…” she said, standing back up and glancing over at Alice. “Big sister, Mister Balbossa would like for you to come and help him clear some trees…”

Alice turned and smiled.

“It won’t be a problem,” she said. “Kirito, I’ll be back in a little while.”

I straightened up.

“Nonsense, I’m coming with you,” I said. “I’ve been stuck here for months. Ever since I’ve woken up, I’ve been here. At least let me come with you. I’m tired of being cooped up in here.”

She gave me a worried frown, glancing down at my belly. She looked as if she might agree to it for a moment, but then she shook her head and came over to give me a gentle hug. I sighed and stared down at the floor.

“I can take them being unkind to me,” she said, her voice low. “But I can’t take them being cruel to you. They don’t even know you saved their lives. And if they did, I doubt they would care. Please. Stay here. I don’t want them hurting you and the baby. Selka, please keep him company while I’m gone.”

Without another word, Alice reached over to the wall, removed my sword, and left the house. I blinked and looked back at the spot. I’d glanced at it before; our swords stayed up on the wall, all three of them. With Alice out of sight, there was no one to stop me from doing what I’d been itching to do for days. I stepped over to the swords and gazed up at the hilt of the sword on the far left. I stretched my hand out towards it.

“Kirito…”

Selka’s voice was soft and gentle, but firm enough for me to understand that she didn’t think this was a good idea. But I didn’t want to listen to her. I glanced at her, gave her an apologetic look, and then grasped the sheath to heave it off of the wall. It was much lighter than I remembered. I cradled it in my arm for a moment and then sank down to the floor. I grasped the hilt and went to pull it out, but Selka rested her hand atop mine.

“Don’t do this to yourself, Kirito,” she said, her voice wavering. “I know it’s hard for you to accept Eugeo’s passing, but you need to focus on what Eugeo left behind with you.”

She reached over the sword and pressed her hand against my belly.

“Eugeo left a part of himself right here,” she said, tearing up. “I know he wouldn’t want you to be sad. He would want you to move on and do what’s best for the baby. So, please. Don’t hurt yourself like this.”

The sword fell out of my hand and clattered on the floor between us. I rested my hand atop Selka’s and bit my lip. I hadn’t thought about it like that. In a way, Eugeo’s will might have been to leave me with a part of himself to comfort me. With the way this system worked, it could have been very intentional—the new fluctlight forming in my belly was possibly Eugeo’s desire to give me a part of him to cling to.

I drew in my breath and let my head drop onto Selka’s shoulder. She hummed, wrapping one arm around my neck to hug me while the other remained pressed against my swollen abdomen. She gently rubbed the spot. I felt the baby move around. I slipped my hand off of hers and pressed it to the side of my belly.

“Live on for the sake of your baby,” she said. “I know it hurts. I miss him, too. And I’m scared, too, that I’ll see your baby and be reminded of Eugeo. But that should be a good memory. Not a sad one.”

In the end, I just quietly sobbed onto her shoulder until Alice returned home. Alice picked up Eugeo’s sword and placed it back on the wall alongside mine. She helped me get up and got me to eat something. Selka stayed with us for dinner and kept giggling over how much I was eating. Alice huffed, as if she were bothered.

“Of course, he’s eating quite a lot,” she said. “He’s spending a lot of energy growing a baby.”

I stuffed some bread into my mouth and rolled my eyes.

“Mm, but he ate kind of like this a few years ago at a festival,” Selka said, giggling. “You’ve always had quite the appetite, haven’t you, Kirito?”

I shrugged.

“I’m a growing teen,” I said.

“Aren’t you almost twenty?” Alice asked. “Has the pregnancy finally started to get to that brain of yours or were you always this absent-minded?”  
I gave her a look and stuffed another piece of bread in my mouth.

“Well, I think I should head back, since the sun is going down,” Selka said.

She leaned over and gave me a hug, then patted my belly as if to say good-bye to the baby. As soon as she left the room, I glanced over at Alice. She had a funny look on her face. She turned to look at me and grasped her arm.

“I’m thinking I might go to help with the war preparations,” she said.

I smiled a little.

“Good,” I said. “If we leave soon enough, I think we can properly prepare for slipping out to head to the World’s End Altar. I think if we approach it as a—”

“You aren’t coming with me.”

Her words hit me like a hammer slamming into a nail. I frowned at her and tried not to let my hormones take the wheel to show I was already upset by this declaration. I clenched the bread in my hand and took a deep breath.

“We both have to go,” I said. “That’s the deal. I want them to know to let me back into the real world with you, Alice. I need to be there to go.”

She shook her head.

“I refuse to let Eugeo’s child anywhere near the battlefield,” she said. “You are in no condition to protect yourself and your child. That baby is getting nowhere near the frontlines, Kirito. You can’t just selfishly think of yourself right now!”

I slammed my fist on the table.

“Oh, so the artificial fluctlight that isn’t even properly formed yet gets a say and I don’t?” I exclaimed.

Alice reeled back, unsure of what to make of my words. I released my tension and slumped back into the chair, placing my hand over my face. I’d spoken too harshly. It was out of line and frankly out of character. These fluctlights were all precious human beings to me, even if they didn’t have a body. I just wanted to ignore the one forming inside of me if I could. I didn’t want another attachment that I’d mourn the loss of from this world.

“I know you don’t think that, Kirito,” Alice said.

She bent down just enough to grasp my shoulders.

“I know you love this baby very much already,” she said. “And you are fighting loving the baby for some reason I don’t quite understand. So, I will not allow you to come to the battlefield in this condition.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but something caught my eye. I turned my head to face the window and let out a horrified gasp. Alice frowned, probably worried that I was going to have another panic attack. But I lifted my hand and pointed to the window.

“Rulid…” I managed.

She turned her head as well and saw what had caught my eye. A warm glow coming from the direction of Rulid, something that was unnatural for a village in this setting. It couldn’t be the lamplight—there were no lamps here. It could only be a large amount of fire, which didn’t spell anything good for the villagers.

Alice ran outside and started screaming something in the direction of the village. But there was no time for that. I dashed over to the wall and pulled down my sword. I didn’t grasp it right and dropped it. It fell onto the floor and slipped a little ways out of its sheath. Glancing back at the door, I frowned at Alice’s figure in the twilight. I grasped the hilt of my sword and pulled it out. Alice turned back around and gasped.

“Don’t you dare!” she shouted.

“I’m going to prove that you can take me with you,” I said. “You’re not leaving me here alone, dammit!”

I readjusted my grip on the sword and hurried out of the door, stumbling a little as I tried to run.

“Kirito! Kiritooooo!”

I tuned out her voice. I was going to prove it to her. She’d have to fight me to stop me.


	5. Stress Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I haven't updated this since 2019 BUT here I am! I'm alive! I've just been sooooo fucking busy I'm so sorry for the wait!

Several feelings fought against one another in Alice’s chest as she tore her own sword off of the wall and ran to mount Amayori. The most prominent one was fear for her sister, but close behind it was an intense anger and frustration at Kirito’s reckless behavior. He’d simply taken off, carrying a sword in his only hand, to go and fight something while pregnant. She had half a mind to catch up to him and knock him out just to prevent injury to the baby, but she didn’t have time to focus on that. She had to both catch Kirito and help save the villagers.

She had Amayori fly up for an aerial view of Rulid. Parts of it were on fire, having been torched by invaders. Goblins were in the streets, chasing some of the citizens with their weapons drenched in human blood. A few of the village guards were attempting to fight back, but the goblins were hardened warriors—these young men who only knew a few sword forms were no match for them in a battle to the death. She selected a spot and calmly dropped off of the dragon.

“Wait for my signal, Amayori!” she called.

This wasn’t a difficult situation for her. She’d already faced one of the strongest opponents in the world, the pontifex of the Axiom Church herself. She could handle a few goblins on her own. Her worry was that she’d been too late, or that she’d have to mind Kirito in the middle of a battle when she shouldn’t have to. When her feet planted on the ground, several of the villagers jumped and turned around to face her. She held her head up high and faced them.

“You need to leave your village immediately,” she said. “It’s not safe to remain here.”

A large man with a sour face, Balbossa, stepped forward and jabbed a finger at her.

“I’m not leaving because the witch told me to! We have to stay and protect my land!” he snapped.

Alice didn’t want to deal with this.

“Call off your men at arms,” she said. “Or you’re all going to die.”

Her own father, Gasfut Zuberg, stepped forward. Behind him, Selka had her hands clasped together. She didn’t want to get Selka in trouble by dragging her into this. She kept her cool, even though internally she felt relief seeing Selka alive and unharmed.

“Evacuate this village,” she said, her voice firm. “Your homes and possessions are not worth your lives.”

Gasfut frowned at her.

“Our man-at-arms has instructed us to gather here,” he said. “You don’t have authority to command us to go against his order.”

Alice straightened up and slammed her still sheathed sword into the dirt.

“My name is Alice Synthesis Thirty,” she said. “I am an Integrity Knight of the Axiom Church. By the power vested in me by the Holy Pontifex, I am ordering the people of Rulid to evacuate the village. My authority as a knight of the church should be sufficient for you, I take it?”

Stunned, Gasfut dropped to one knee and bowed. Something in her chest felt painful. He wouldn’t ever acknowledge her as his daughter, nor would he heed her advice without a title. It stung like a fresh cut from a blade. But her feelings didn’t matter right now. What mattered was that these people got to safety while she dealt with the goblins.

Selka stared at her, eyes filled with tears. She stepped over to her sister and bowed her head apologetically.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before now,” she said.

Smiling, Selka shook her head and wiped away her tears.

“No, I think I knew, deep down,” she said.

Alice nodded.

“Please, big sister,” Selka said. “Protect our home.”

Alice removed her sword from its sheath and dashed into the city without hesitation. From the angle at which she was entering Rulid, she’d have to head several mels before she’d find Kirito. She sent up a quick prayer to whatever gods might be watching over this world that he would be safe until she found him. She ran up behind a young man struggling to fight off a goblin and removed its head before he could register her presence. He stared at her, wide-eyed.

“Go! Run!” she cried.

His lips quivered.

“But…but I’m…it’s my…”

She shook her head.

“Get to somewhere safe,” she told him. “I’ll handle it from here.”

He didn’t question it. As he stared at her sword, dripping with fresh blood, he numbly nodded, then scrambled off in the direction she’d come from. Alice whirled around and swiftly dealt with a goblin running up behind her. She didn’t pause to think. She hurried back outside and whistled for Amayori. The dragon swooped down and sprayed a pillar of fire into the village, taking care to deal with the goblins and attempt to not hit the houses. Alice’s eyes skimmed the streets.

“Where the hell is he…?” she muttered.

With all of the flames and smoke in Rulid, it was difficult to see much of anything. She hurried over to a section looking down the hill. The goblins were marching up the steps towards her. Wicked grins painted their faces. She could only see the sea of invaders. Kirito was nowhere to be seen. She had to take care of them before he arrived on the scene. She gripped the hilt of her sword.

“System Call…”

She had to make sure her sword was in Perfect Weapon Control before the goblins got to her. They saw her, let out shrieks and war cries, and then all began to charge after her, following the lead of a much bigger goblin. With a flick of her wrist, Alice thrust the Osmanthus Blade into the air above her head.

“ENHANCE…ARMAMENT!” she cried.

The blade burst into hundreds of glittering blossoms. They danced uniformly in the air, then as she swung her arm downwards to face her opponent, they shot forwards, zooming towards the goblins at lightning speed. Their sharp petals tore into the attackers, ripping them to shreds like they were made of brittle autumn leaves. Alice saw some of the unaffected goblins in the rear halt. They turned their heads to one another, mumbling. One finally stepped forward, snarling up at her.

“Surrender, White Ium filth!” he snapped.

Alice let her blade rest above her for a moment. She took a step forward, making sure her armor gave off a loud and threatening sound as she did so. Some of the goblins quivered, and others took a step back. She lifted up her chin and glared down her nose at the invaders. They were pushing their luck.

“Turn back now, and I will spare your lives,” she said firmly.

The goblin who spoke before laughed and waved to his comrades behind him.

“Surrender, or this Ium woman loses her head!” he said.

The crowd of goblins parted, and two stepped forward, holding a familiar figure between them. Alice almost lost all of her nerve in that moment. The edge of one goblin’s blade was pressed against their captive’s bare neck.

“K-Kirito!” Alice exclaimed.

This was yet another thing that Alice couldn’t grasp about the world. An Integrity Knight would never raise their blade to someone in Kirito’s condition, even if they came from the Dark Territory. Human compassion should stop anyone from threatening the life of someone carrying an unborn child. Yet she was certain they’d be ready with their excuse—undoubtedly, Kirito had attacked them. He’d been armed, after all.

“Well?” the goblin said. “Her life or your surrender?”

Alice hesitated. There had to be a way to save Kirito and still win this battle. When she didn’t immediately answer, the head goblin turned and said something she couldn’t understand to the two holding Kirito in place. One goblin then kicked the back of Kirito’s knees, making him fall down on them, and the other pulled out Kirito’s sword and swiftly planted it in Kirito’s right calf. Kirito let out a scream.

“UNHAND HIM!” Alice screamed.

The head goblin stepped forward. Her grip tightened on the hilt of her sword.

“All I’m asking is for you to surrender,” the goblin said. “Next time, it’ll be her throat ripped open.”

She opened her mouth to respond. Hesitating would only end Kirito and the baby’s lives; she would figure out the rest later. She moved her arm to call back her sword, but then someone dashed out into the midst of the goblins and slammed something into the temple of the one holding the blade to Kirito’s neck. He slumped over. The other, surprised, turned to attack but his sword slammed into the object that had knocked out his comrade.

“BIG SISTER! HURRY!”

Alice felt her heart leap into her mouth.

“S-Selka?!” she exclaimed.

She didn’t have a moment to lose. Once more, her flowers danced. They skillfully took care of the goblins surrounding Kirito and Selka, and she moved on to take care of any in a five mel radius of them. Now, the goblins who’d challenged her took her words seriously. They turned and ran out of the village, more fearful for their own lives than they were worried about their pride and dignity. Confident that she’d scared them off, Alice hurried over to Kirito and Selka.

Selka had Kirito cradled in her arms. He was gritting his teeth, probably having difficulty dealing with the pain from the wound in his leg. Alice knelt down and fought the urge to shout at him. She reached her hand over and gently stroked his head.

“You idiot,” she said, choking on a sob.

She carefully took Kirito from Selka so that the latter could tear off a bit of her habit and tie a tourniquet around his leg. Alice didn’t want to think about the injury, but if it didn’t heal properly, like with his arm, she might have to amputate it. She silently prayed for Kirito’s willpower to heal to be stronger than before. The fact that she couldn’t restore his arm still worried her.

“I’m…I want to…help…” Kirito stammered.

Alice stroked his head again.

“Please don’t do this to yourself,” she said, shaking her head.

He reached up his hand and tried to grasp hers. She gently took his hand and squeezed it. Tears spilled out of his eyes. Alice couldn’t understand the misery and frustration that Kirito felt. He was trapped in a world that wasn’t his own, had lost his lover, and still held a love and duty to the people of this world in his heart so highly that he longed to protect the people of Rulid even in his fragile state.

“Sister…” Selka murmured.

Alice lifted up her head and saw some of the people headed back in her direction. Even when she’d told them to flee, as soon as the danger was gone, they were right back in the village. Several men were already dousing water on the fires, trying to save as much of them as they could. Gasfut, however, walked over to his two daughters and frowned down at the strange man in Alice’s arms. Alice clutched Kirito a little tighter.

“How is this possible?” he murmured.

Kirito turned his head to look up at Gasfut. Selka frowned and touched a hand to his belly. She looked up at her father with tears welling up in her eyes.

“Please…don’t hurt him, father,” she said.

Gasfut shook his head.

“You’ve been alone with Alice for almost six months,” he said. “Did you have a husband back in Centoria?”

Kirito averted his gaze and didn’t respond. Alice cleared her throat.

“The father is dead,” she said firmly. “Please, leave Kirito alone. Do not be so hasty as to presume he is a sinner as you do with me.”

Gasfut’s eyes narrowed.

“How can I trust you?” he asked. “He won’t speak in defense of himself. The Axiom Church forbids intercourse outside of wedlock.”

Alice felt her anger boiling up in her chest.

“Rulid is burning all around you!” she cried. “And you stop here to discuss whether or not a man you care nothing about has broken the Taboo Index! How stubborn are you? Leave us be! Kirito and I will leave Rulid and head to the Eastern Gate. Do not bother reporting him to the Church. I am an Integrity Knight. And I have placed Kirito under my protection!”

The man sat back. He glared at Selka, who still had her hand pressed to Kirito’s abdomen. As Gasfut opened his mouth to speak, her sister ended up cutting him off abruptly, to Alice’s surprise.

“I won’t report him!” she cried. “This child is all that’s left of Eugeo!”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Selka gasped and placed her hands over her right eye. Alice quickly reached her hand over and placed it on Selka’s shoulder. Kirito lifted his head and turned it to stare at Selka, bewildered.

“Selka,” Alice said calmly. “We’ll leave. Don’t burden yourself with keeping Kirito’s secret any longer.”

The urge to break whatever rule she’d wanted to break must have died down, because when she relaxed and pulled her hand away from her eye, it wasn’t glowing red with the seal. Selka just fell forward onto Kirito’s front and wrapped her arms around him, breaking out in a sob. It had been difficult for her to come to terms with the situation—Eugeo’s crimes against the religious code she’d followed her entire life and the reality that before he’d died, he’d fathered a child.

But she’d become attached to that child. Alice understood that from the way she approached Kirito and excitedly awaited the baby’s arrival. For Selka, this was all that was left of the man who’d sworn to return her sister to Rulid. It was cruel of her to rip Kirito away from her when she was still so attached to his child, but Selka eventually would have to just accept that the baby would not and could not replace Eugeo.

In the end, Alice carried Kirito back to the cabin and tended to his wound. She laid him on the bed and carefully started cleaning up the cut. She grimaced, looking at it. Her eyes wandered over to him. He had a wet cloth over his face. His temperature had risen a bit. His breathing was a bit labored, too. She reached over and grasped his hand.

“Kirito, I…”

He swallowed.

“If…if you have to…make it quick…” he said meekly.

She squeezed his hand.

“The wound is very deep,” she said, staring down at it. “I’m sorry.”  
Kirito shook his head. She held up her hands to perform the healing arts. Kirito dug his fingers into her hand.

“I can heal it,” she reassured him. “I won’t need to amputate it.”

He shook his head again.

“Please…just cut it off…”

His grip on her hand was so tight it hurt. His willpower, for some reason, was particularly strong, as she’d suspected. He was using this as an excuse to beat himself up and punish himself all over again.

“Haven’t you suffered enough?” she pleaded. “Stop this. You won’t let me heal your arm, at least let me save your leg!”

Kirito gritted his teeth.

“I don’t deserve…” he said, trailing off.

She slammed her hand down on the bedside table.

“You can’t keep beating yourself up about this!” she exclaimed. “If you want to head east, then I’ll take you! But you _will_ walk there on your own two legs! If you give up this leg, you’ve lost your right to accompany me to the World’s End Altar!”

He stopped shaking. She waited for him to relax a bit, and then she performed the sacred arts needed to heal him. She examined the spot on his leg. A faint scar was left where the injury had been, but otherwise, she’d won in the battle of wills. She sat down on the bed beside him and picked him up to cradle him in her arms.

“Eugeo doesn’t want you to act like this,” she told him. “I know you’re stressed out. I know things are confusing and painful and your body’s sending you mixed signals, but you have to help yourself move on. When are you going to listen to me?”

Kirito shook his head and buried it in her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair.

“I’m going to help you,” she said. “But you have to help yourself, too.”

He grasped her shirt in his fist.

“It’s my fault he’s gone, Alice…” he said.

His voice sounded so weak and helpless. It was so unlike the strong, confident voice she’d heard the day she met him in the cathedral. She longed to hear that strong voice again, but what could she do? He was the only one who could bring it back. He had to allow himself the time and space to heal.

“I killed Eugeo.”

She pulled him into her arms, fully embracing him.

“No,” she said. “Eugeo died fighting for what he believed in. You should be proud of him. It’s alright to miss him. But he died fighting for this change. You didn’t kill him. He made the choice to fight and lost his life in the process. You have to stop blaming yourself.”

Kirito numbly nodded.

Alice put him to bed early that night. She went to tell Selka that in a few days, after she’d packed up all of the things they’d need for a ride to the Eastern Gate, she and Kirito would be leaving Rulid. She left out the details of handling Kirito’s injury and their plans to head to the World’s End Altar. She didn’t want another broken heart on her already heavy conscience.


	6. A Change of Scenery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I've been hyperfixating really badly on this fic. I do not know why. Oop.

She furrowed her brow as she tightened the belt holding Kirito in place in Amayori’s saddle. While only a scar was left on the outside of his leg, she’d discovered it still wasn’t healed enough for him to walk. So, when they packed up to head to the camp by the East Gate, she made sure to include his wheelchair in the luggage and had improvised a way to keep him steady on Amayori’s back. Her biggest concern wasn’t him falling, though. It was how the baby would fare being transported on the back of a dragon while inside his belly. She rested one hand against his stomach and frowned. Kirito gave her a forced smile.

“I think she’ll be okay,” he said.

He placed his hand on top of Alice’s.

“I trust that you’ll steer well and keep her from jostling around too much.”

Alice nodded and rubbed the spot. She still didn’t feel right bringing him to the camp in this condition. If the war went on too long, they’d have to deal with him delivering in a dangerous area. Plus, if he found the energy within himself again, there was no telling whether or not he’d dash out to try and help. Kirito was a swordsman, after all. He’d already tried once to go fight in this condition.

She hopped down from Amayori’s back and walked over to her sister. Selka looked a bit sad, but this was for the best. Leaving Kirito here with her would only distress her more. And she could not continue to dwell on the baby being what was left of her beloved Eugeo. This was for the best. She took Selka into her arms and clung to her tightly for a moment.

“I promise I’ll return once everything is over,” she said.

Her words felt like a bold-face lie. If she did as Kirito pleaded, she might never see Selka again. She couldn’t bring herself to tell her sister this. She would keep Kirito’s plan and the World’s End Altar a secret for now. Selka nodded to her, her red hair bobbing a bit in the wind. She felt a bittersweet sorrow as she parted from her sister to mount the dragon. Alice waved down to Selka and then grasped Kirito’s hand to pull it around her waist.

“The straps should prevent a dangerous fall, but please do try to hold on,” she warned him.

He chuckled.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll cling as tightly as you need me to.”

She gave him a warning glance to behave himself, but his face was bright for the moment and filled with no mischief. He pulled himself against her after nodded a good-bye to Selka. It couldn’t have been comfortable for him. She could feel the odd sensation of the baby moving pressed against her back. Alice shook her head, focusing on their flight, and commanded Amayori to lift off.

The flight was considerably uneventful. Kirito eventually relaxed enough to lightly doze with his head resting on her shoulder. Alice couldn’t help but giggle. He’d started taking a lot more naps, probably realizing the fatigue he felt wasn’t just from trauma, but from the little life he was growing. She let go of the reins and patted his head while he slept, grateful that he was taking the time to sleep while he could.

When they were close, she shook him gently to rouse him. He grumbled something into her shoulder and required a little more shaking to be awoken. He lifted his head and groaned. He let go of her waist and lifted his hand to wipe off his mouth. Alice’s eyes widened and she whirled around to him. He perked up.

“Did you drool on my shoulder?!” she exclaimed.

Kirito’s cheeks flushed red with embarrassment.

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll wipe it off!” he stammered.

Alice tightened her grip on the reins. He leaned forward again, clearly dejected.

“KIRITO!” she cried. “GET OFF!”

By the time they touched the ground, he’d already wilted, fully understanding her displeasure. She huffed and dismounted, pulling the wheelchair off of Amayori’s back before she pulled him off. As irritated as she was with him in the moment, it wasn’t fair to make him put all of that weight on his healing leg, even if for a short bit. She made sure it was on even ground before she undid the straps and carefully picked up Kirito.

She slipped down to the ground, holding him in her arms with one hand under his knees and the other supporting his back under his remaining arm. When she looked down at his face, he looked rather perturbed by the situation. She grimaced and readjusted her grip on him.

“Why do you feel heavier than when I put you up there?” she said.

His irritation seemed to spike.

“Perhaps I gradually am gaining weight over time because there’s a growing human—”

She shook her head.

“You sure are grumpy all of the sudden,” she said.

She turned and looked towards the camp only to see Takiguri land next to Amayori and crane his neck over to nuzzle his sister. Eldrie dismounted his steed and hurried over to greet her, only to cast a funny look at Kirito. The latter was still staring up at her, with his hand resting on his belly as if he were making a point about his weight gain. She carefully placed Kirito in the wheelchair and waved at Eldrie.

“What is he doing here?” Eldrie asked.

Alice wheeled Kirito over closer to Eldrie and nodded to him.

“It’s unsafe to leave him in Rulid,” she said calmly. “The villagers aren’t very happy about having someone around that broke the Taboo Index. If I left him there, he’d have no one to help him safely deliver.”

Kirito furrowed his brow at her. Eldrie glanced down at him and nodded, at least outwardly accepting the situation for what it was. When he looked back up at Alice, his smile was pleasant and warm. She felt a fluttering in her chest. She grasped the wheelchair and headed towards the camp, eager to ensure that Eldrie couldn’t seen the strange emotion present itself on her face. But he trailed along beside her, guiding her over to a main tent.

“Are you feeling well?” Eldrie asked, pointing his question at Kirito.

His words sounded a bit stiff and forced, but his tone was overall kind.

“I suppose so,” Kirito mumbled. “My leg feels a bit achy, but otherwise, I’m fine.”

Eldrie glanced back at Alice quizzically, and she shook her head and mouthed back that he shouldn’t ask about the leg. He frowned. His approach jumped to something different this time.

“It does appear that your little one is healthy,” he remarked. “They’ve certainly grown a bit since our last meeting.”

Those words sent Kirito straight into a flushed embarrassment. He covered his face with his hand to avoid eye contact. Alice just laughed. It was true that in the week that they’d spent packing, he’d gained a slight bit more circumference, but Eldrie hadn’t realized that he only looked rounder because of the fact that he was sitting down and wearing more layers. Alice knelt down and fussed with Kirito’s coat.

“You’re going to need a bigger coat,” she mumbled. “Is that tight near your belly button?”

The question was pointless. It was painfully obvious that it was extremely tight around his belly. He lowered his hand and reached down to the buttons. His fingertips touched the one at the very end of his abdomen.

“If I ate anything right now, I think the buttons might bust off of the coat,” he said, laughing dryly. “I hate to admit that Selka was right. My clothing doesn’t fit anymore. And it’ll be another three months before they fit again.”

Alice frowned up at Eldrie.

“You don’t suppose we have anything bigger, do you?” she asked.

Eldrie opened his mouth, but then closed it right after.

“Would a coat of mine work?”

Alice and Eldrie turned to see Becrouli had apparently snuck up on them. He walked over to the scene and smiled cheekily at the three.

“Uncle!” Alice exclaimed. “It’s good to see you!”

Bercouli nodded at Kirito.

“See if one of my coats will do the trick,” he said, holding up a coat as if he’d already been ready for this. “He’s pretty small next to me, but until we can get him something that properly fits, this should suffice.”

Alice took the coat, nodded, and then turned back to Eldrie. He held his hand out to Kirito, who begrudgingly took his hand and pulled himself into an upright position. Alice unbuttoned the coat, which resulted in a sigh of relief from Kirito as soon as it wasn’t tightly pressed against his stomach any longer. She slipped the coat off of him, handed the old one to Eldrie, and then started adjusting the wrap she’d placed around Kirito’s belly.

“Is this on well enough?” she asked.

Kirito nodded.

“Yeah, I think it’s plenty cozy in there,” he said, laughing. “I think she’ll be fine.”

She smiled and slipped Bercouli’s coat around his shoulders. At the chest level, it certainly swallowed Kirito whole, and the stomach area was, thankfully, completely covered. She tied it around him with a sash to ensure it didn’t slip off. Eldrie then helped him sit back down in the chair. The group looked at Kirito, patiently waiting for a verdict. He reached up and smoothed down the fabric over his belly, smiling softly as he rubbed it.

“This is much more comfortable,” he said. “Thank you.”

Bercouli nodded in acknowledgement of his thanks. Eldrie offered to show Alice where her quarters would be. They hadn’t been expecting Kirito to accompany her, so it was agreed that he would just stay with her for now. She left Kirito in the tent for a moment and stepped outside to speak with Eldrie alone.

“I did not want to bring him,” she admitted. “I pity his situation, but I couldn’t bear the thought of the villagers hurting him because he’s pregnant outside of wedlock.”

Eldrie’s eyes widened a bit. Alice swallowed.

“His partner, you recall, was the father,” she continued. “They were unmarried. I suppose that since Eugeo broke the Seal of the Right Eye he was able to commit Taboos without any penalty. Kirito, I have learned, is an exception and can still break rules without an issue. I don’t want him near the fighting at all.”

To her surprise, Eldrie’s hand suddenly rested on hers.

“Is there nowhere else he could be safe?” he asked. “I, too, strongly disagree with his presence here. Someone might harm him in the battle, and we cannot simply be held back by a pregnant person being where they shouldn’t.”

Alice swallowed. He had a point, but his words still stung. She knew Eldrie had some sort of an issue with Kirito. It was evident in the way he forced himself to be polite. But she wasn’t so sure he hated him—it was perhaps the memory of the battle that made him feel a sense of rivalry. As an honorable rival, Eldrie didn’t want harm coming to him while he was in fragile condition.

“I don’t think so,” she said. “Do you oppose something more than his possible danger?”

Eldrie stiffened.

“Despite his situation, Kirito’s Incarnate is powerful,” she said. “Given the right push, even he might be able to stand up and fight. Not that I want him rushing into battle and putting the child in danger.”

Eldrie didn’t defend himself. He simply pulled her closer, apologized under his breath, and then very gently kissed her on the forehead. When he pulled away, Alice was flush with embarrassment.

“E-Eldrie…what’s…what’s gotten into you?” she stammered.

He frowned.

“Is it not clear enough, Lady Alice?” he asked.

The feelings he had towards Kirito were plain and clear now. Jealousy. Kirito took her attention away from him. Her heart began to flutter again. Her realization must have shown on her face, as Eldrie’s frown turned into a warm smile.

“You should check on him,” he said quietly.

He turned on his heel and started to walk away.

“W-wait, Eldrie!” she cried.

He stopped and turned to look at her. She just gave him as warm of a smile as she could back and nodded. Getting her message, he smiled again, waved, and headed off towards his own tent. Alice cleared her throat, bounced on her toes a bit, and then disappeared into the tent. She’d hoped to keep the exchange quiet from Kirito, but he was sitting on the edge of the bed looking back at her with a smug expression on his face.

“Wh-what are you looking at?!” she cried.

Kirito’s smirk only seemed to get wider.

“Nooothing,” he said. “Hey, since we’re here, do you think we have a map of the Dark Territory anywhere? We should probably figure out a decent route to the World’s End Altar.”

She sat down on the bed next to him and stared down at his lap. His empty sleeve was neatly draped over his leg. She stroked the fabric of the sleeve. He hummed inquisitively. Shaking her head, she reached over and rubbed his belly.

“Any kicking?” she asked.

He hummed again.

“Not at the moment,” he said. “You changed the subject.”

She nodded.

“After lunch, I’ll get the official battle plans from Lady Fanatio and Uncle,” she told him. “I’d like to make our plans based off of that, if that’s okay. So, for now, let’s just get our rest. You seemed pretty tired earlier.”

He laughed and flopped backwards onto the bed, letting out a sigh.

“It’s exhausting, being pregnant is,” he muttered.

She giggled and continued to rub his belly.

“I bet it is,” she said.

He rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, well, I don’t see you trying it,” he said.

“Come on, let’s get you fed and then put down for a nap,” she teased.

He gave her an irritated look.

“I’m not five,” he said. “But could you help me up? Leaning back was a mistake. I feel like an overturned turtle…”

She helped him up and pulled out their packed lunches. His mood seemed to have improved being in this camp. Perhaps what he’d needed was just an outing somewhere. She hoped his attitude would continue to improve. Because even if he planned out the trip that supposedly would save him from this fate, she knew for a fact that she wasn’t going to let Kirito just leave the Underworld without his baby like this. She’d convince him—one way or another.


	7. The Fallen Remain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: See? Told you I was on a weird roll with this fic. *shrug* I had a scene I really needed to get out of my system.

I really wanted to reject the wheelchair, but my throbbing leg wouldn’t let me get very far without it. Standing upright put pressure on it that sent pain streaking up my leg. Alice kept chiding me and telling me that my negative Incarnate was causing my ailments. She’d pointed at my missing limb when she’d mentioned it. I just told her I was more used to a life where healing took time. She didn’t buy it.

After a very filling lunch, I curled up on the bed and took a nap while she went and had the meeting with the other Integrity Knights about their battle plans. It wasn’t a very long nap, because as soon as I hit the really deep sleep, the baby delivered a very strong roundhouse kick to my ribcage, successfully rousing me. I stretched out and clutched my belly. Clearly pleased with my actions, the baby started to flip around and kick like crazy.

“Jerk…I wanted a nap…” I grumbled.

Figuring I wouldn’t get back to sleep, I sat up and stretched. I glanced around the room looking for something to entertain myself with. My eyes rested on the box that contained our swords. I pushed myself out of the bed, leaned on it and other pieces of furniture along my path, and hobbled over to the box. I got down onto the floor and carefully opened the box. The three sheathed swords lay side-by-side, with Eugeo’s laying the opposite direction so its hilt didn’t rest on top of mine and Alice’s.

I glanced at the tent’s entryway for a moment and then lifted Eugeo’s sword out of the box. Selka had stopped me before. I think both she and Alice agreed that reminding myself of that day would only make things worse. But I couldn’t help but feel cut off from him. I grasped the hilt of the sword and slid what was left of the blade out of the sheath. Drawing in a strained breath, I rested the sword across my knees and rested my hand on the hilt.

“I’m sorry, Eugeo…” I mumbled.

My shoulders shook as I tried to keep myself from crying. He’d confessed his love and slept with me, probably presuming he wouldn’t have another chance to do so. And he’d been right. Eugeo hadn’t planned on leaving the cathedral alive. He’d seen death as his end, and because of that, he’d made sure that I knew he loved me.

But had he considered that it was my fault he’d be killed? Instead of escaping to safety, like any sane person would, I’d placed him in a situation where he’d been led to his grave. If I had never taken him away from Rulid, none of this would have ever happened. I clutched the hilt of the sword and picked it up to hold it to my chest. I clung to it for a moment before I felt my chest fill with guilt. I slid it back into its place and stared at the sword and sheath on the floor. I caressed my belly and forced a bitter smile.

“That’s your father’s sword,” I said, choking on my words. “If he was here right now, I think he’d be very excited for your arrival.”

I stared down at the sword.

“Right, Eugeo?” I said. “You’re a dad.”

For a moment, it seemed as if the sword glowed. I blinked at it, curious, and then felt a light pressure, like the touch of a hand, against my belly. I covered my mouth with my hand and choked on a sob. It was as if the world was reassuring me that Eugeo knew and was watching after us. I couldn’t hold in my tears. Was it relief? Or sorrow? I wasn’t sure.

Arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a firm hug. I reached my hand up and clutched the fabric of Alice’s shirt. She picked me up and guided me back to the bed. As I clung to a pillow and sobbed into the bed’s sheets, Alice patiently rubbed my back. What on earth was wrong with me? I finally drew in a deep breath and rolled over to face her. She withdrew her hand, frowning at me. I reached over and grasped it.

Her eyes seemed puzzled. Her words from before we’d left for Eastabarieth echoed in my mind. I sniffled and squeezed her hand as tightly as I could. She bit her lip. I shook my head up at her, thinking she must be bracing herself for whatever came out of my mouth next. It was time I just told her the truth.

“You’re right,” I said quietly. “I love this baby very much.”

Relief now reflected in her eyes. She smiled at me and nodded.

“I know you do,” she said.

She helped me sit upright. I did love the baby. And that was what made all of this so hard. I knew I was heading towards a fate that would mean this baby never saw the light of day. Eugeo had left something behind for me to remember him by, but I couldn’t live knowing that I’d brought a child into the world only to abandon it.

A call sounded at the tent’s entrance. Alice got up and hurried to answer it, making sure no one could see past her. She struck up a conversation with a voice that sounded distantly familiar. My eyes wandered over to Eugeo’s sword on the floor. A pit formed in my stomach. I swallowed and rubbed my belly.

“I’m sorry, Eugeo,” I whispered. “I don’t think I can make it another three months.”

“Kirito…senpai?”

My eyes shot up to look at the person who’d snuck up on me. I hadn’t expected to see my page from the academy here. Ronye’s blue eyes were filled with confusion. She was staring down at my protruding belly, which was obvious due to my hand being pressed up against it. Behind her, her friend Tiese, Eugeo’s page, also looked rather perplexed. From behind them, Alice gave me a stern nod.

“Kirito-senpai,” Tiese said. “Lady Alice said…she said you could tell me about Eugeo.”

Another wave of indescribable guilt washed over me. Asuna wasn’t the only broken-heart-to-be from this choice. Tiese had been rather obviously head-over-heels for Eugeo, and while he’d vaguely turned her down, it didn’t appear from the look in her eyes that she’d clearly understood that message. I silently swore to myself, wondering why Alice had thrown this burden on me. I bit my lip and stared down at the bed beside me.

“He’s…he’s gone, Tiese,” I said quietly.

She let out a sharp gasp of distress. I glanced back up in her direction to see Ronye pull her into a gentle hug. Tiese was shaking her head, as if saying she wouldn’t believe it. I turned to look at Eugeo’s sword on the floor again and clutched the fabric of my shirt over my belly.

“That’s all that’s left of him,” I said, my voice cracking. “A broken sword…and…”

The girls both looked at me. I could feel my own hand quivering. I didn’t want to look Tiese in the eyes and tell her that her beloved had chosen someone else. But she deserved to know the truth, so she could hopefully move on. I relaxed me fingers and spread them over my belly. I forced myself to look at Tiese as apologetically as I could.

“And this baby,” I said.

Tiese’s face scrunched up, clearly conflicted. I bowed my head.

“I’m…I’m sorry, Tiese, I…” I stammered.

But what good did words do in this instance? Apologizing for stealing her beloved away from her meant nothing. If I thought about it, was I truly sorry for what I’d done? It brought up so many mixed up feelings. I loved Eugeo. I’d chosen to express my love to him. I couldn’t take back my love. I closed my mouth and prepared for her anger.

Tiese whispered something I couldn’t hear to Ronye, and then she stepped over in front of me. She knelt down, her eyes brimming with tears, and she did something rather unexpected—she wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my belly. As she quietly started to sob, I slipped my hand out from under her and nervously stroked her hair.

“So, you _are_ pregnant, then, Kirito-senpai,” Ronye said.

I numbly nodded.

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” I mumbled.

She looked hesitant about possibly offending me by agreeing, but she nodded her head. Tiese stopped hugging me and sat back, cleaning off her face with her sleeves. Ronye stepped over beside her and reached over to place one hand on my belly. I couldn’t imagine what was going through either of their heads. Ronye jumped a little when she felt the baby kick. Tiese frowned a little, then placed her hand next to Ronye’s.

“I’m glad Eugeo-senpai left a part of himself with you,” Tiese said, smiling despite her evident heartbreak.

She gently caressed my belly.

“I’m sure he would have been…very happy…to know he’s a father…” she said.

I nodded in agreement. Eugeo would have wanted this. I thought about how things could have gone differently. Maybe he survived the battle against Administrator, and we left the cathedral together with Alice to return home to Rulid. Even if we were rejected by Alice’s father, we could have still built that little home.

Over time, I would have realized what was happening in my body. I’d sit down with him and tell him the news. I imagine he’d have smiled so brightly, those green eyes sparkling, as he thought about holding our baby in the coming days. Alice could have left for the front lines without feeling the need to protect me, and Eugeo and I would have stayed in the cabin, waiting it out, and welcoming our firstborn into the world.

Would he have kissed me more? I felt my cheeks flush at the thought. We’d only kissed a few times after the seal broke in his eye. I sighed. This was nothing I needed to speculate about now. Eugeo was gone. I had more pressing things to think about, such as our trip to the World’s End Altar. Alice must have known I wanted to discuss it, because she gently told Tiese and Ronye that I needed my rest because of the baby. They said their goodbyes and Alice told them she’d call them later for something.

After they left, Alice took out a map and showed it to me, pointing out the locations of certain planned attacks. She was a major part of the plan, which meant we couldn’t just easily slip away and head south. I took a bite out of a roll and stared down at the map, thinking about the battle plans in my head.

“We’ll have to play it by when it’s convenient, huh?” I said.

Alice nodded.

“I’ll make sure you’re close to me in the unit,” she said. “That way, I can ensure that you’re with me to help me at the World’s End Altar.”

I gave her a funny look.

“Still insisting I can’t help at all?” I asked.

She gave me a sharp glare.

“You are by no means permitted to be swinging a sword in your condition,” she said. “We’ve discussed this. I’ll be asking Ronye and Tiese to guard your wagon while we’re on the battlefield. However.”

I perked up at her tone change.

“Your Incarnate is quite strong,” she said. “If—and I say this with extreme faith that you will only do so should the situation arise—if those around you are in more danger than yourself and you can protect them or assist, I will not be so harsh with you as I was back in Rulid. But do keep in mind, you were easily captured and injured by the goblins. You must only engage if your heart is in the right place.”

Frowning, I shoved more of the roll into my mouth and nodded. I’d have to agree to her terms or risk being yelled at if I wanted to help. But I couldn’t verbally promise that I wouldn’t do anything. Because as much as I wanted to leave the Underworld for now, I couldn’t bury my own strong feelings of protection for the fluctlights in this world. I finished my roll and clutched my belly, letting out a sigh.

_Help me make the right decisions, Eugeo_.

I stared over at the map and frowned.

_You always did help me think a little clearer._


	8. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For real, I have no idea what has inspired me to just spit out 6k for this fic all the sudden. I hope you like it though!

Preparations for a war were coming to a close. The battle would begin very shortly, as soon as everything was in order, and all Alice could think about was the man she’d spent six months with as he stubbornly hobbled around talking to Integrity Knights with an unfamiliar grin on his face. She felt a hand rest on her shoulder. She turned to look up at Eldrie and gave him an uneasy smile.

“He seems to be walking a little better today,” Eldrie commented.

It was true. Unlike the day before, something had strangely lifted Kirito’s spirits. He claimed that the leg wasn’t bothering him all that much, but he would take some breaks to sit back down in the wheelchair and be pushed around for a bit. At the moment, he was excitedly chatting with Bercouli and Fanatio about weapons. He’d fought Fanatio man-to-man back in the cathedral. She hadn’t, like Eldrie, made any comment of his condition at the time.

“Something tells me he actually enjoys combat,” Alice murmured.

Eldrie laughed.

“Lady Fanatio did report that he was smiling while he fought her,” he said. “It would do him good to spar after he’s delivered the baby. I think he would enjoy that.”

Alice couldn’t help but agree with him.

“Maybe one of those pages could watch after the baby while he spars,” she said, laughing.

Eldrie gave her a strange look.

“Or, perhaps, you might like to look after the little one,” he suggested.

His statement seemed to come from nowhere. Had she given the impression that she wanted to babysit the unborn child? She seriously doubted it. After all, she knew that she wouldn’t be here to meet the child, and if Kirito got away with things, he might not even be here to deliver it. Perhaps he was deflecting something within himself onto a stray comment.

The thought made her cheeks burn. Was Eldrie hoping that some day he could have a family? She thought about the idea of him holding a young child up on his broad shoulders. The image felt strange to her, and she couldn’t help but start laughing at it. Eldrie raised an eyebrow as he looked at her, wondering what she might be laughing about.

“I don’t think I’m someone who would understand what to do with an infant,” she said. “But perhaps, someday, I’d like to know if I could understand it.”

Now it was Eldrie who appeared to be blushing. Alice cleared her throat and stepped forward, trying to focus on the conversation between Kirito and Fanatio. She’d noticed they must have switched out of discussing weapons because Kirito’s expression had relaxed from an excited one to a more content one.

“I don’t really think there’s a piece of armor that would properly fit over your midsection, no,” Fanatio was saying. “Although…”

She reached over and smoothed down Kirito’s shirt, running her hand up and down his belly. From this side profile and the way the shirt was pressed down, Alice found herself realizing just how much time had passed. It felt like such a little span of time, between the fight against the pontifex to now, but his round belly highlighted that it really had been half a year. She shook her head and crossed her arms at the pair.

“Kirito, I thought we weren’t running into battle with a baby in tow,” Alice said, smiling smartly at him.

Kirito awkwardly laughed and scratched the back of his head.

“O-of course not!” he said.

Fanatio stepped back and frowned at Alice.

“I don’t see why he can’t,” she said. “His skills are quite formidable. He can use his Incarnate to protect the baby and his skill with the sword to help protect the people of the Human Empire. So long as he’s as decent left-handed as he is right-handed.”

As if the situation called for a smart comment, Kirito jumped in with a quip of his own.

“I’m ambidextrous!” he said, grinning.

Alice gently shoved him in what was left of his right shoulder.

“I saw you try to pick up a spoon with your left hand, you are definitely not,” she snapped back. “That’s beside the point, Kirito, you aren’t getting outfitted with armor, even if they can quickly make a plackart that goes around that bulge.”

Kirito frowned and looked down at his belly.

“It’s…it’s not that big,” he whined.

Both Alice and Fanatio started laughing. While he pouted about his waist size, Bercouli let them know that they’d be getting into formation relatively soon. Kirito bowed and thanked the two knights for telling him all about their weapons before following Alice and Eldrie to his next destination. Alice asked if he wanted to get into the wheelchair, but he insisted he was fine. He changed the topic rather quickly.

“So, Eldrie, what about your weapon?” he asked. “I remember fighting you, back in the rose garden. That was before Cardinal told us about Perfect Weapon Control. What was your weapon originally?”

Eldrie seemed conflicted about sharing this information for a moment, but Alice figured this face meant he’d already told Kirito this. It wasn’t a hesitation—it was irritation. Nevertheless, he explained his weapon to him in as much detail as possible, not at all glancing at Kirito to notice that the man was smiling cheerfully as he listened.

_You wanted Eldrie to feel interesting to you, too, didn’t you, Kirito? _she thought.

She was brought very suddenly into the conversation when she heard her name come up.

“Eldrie, you love Alice a lot, don’t you?” Kirito asked.

Both she and Eldrie stopped in their tracks. They glanced at one another across Kirito, red-faced. He glanced between them, bewildered for a moment, before he burst into laughter, holding his belly as he doubled forward. She didn’t know what he found so hilarious about this comment. She turned to chide him like a child, but he straightened up, took her hand, and the brought it over to Eldrie’s. He smiled at the two of them.

“Appreciate what you have before it’s lost forever,” he said.

The look on his face was pained. He knew as well as they did that one of them could die in the war. He also knew that Alice would be leaving for an undetermined amount of time after they made it to the World’s End Altar. This was a man speaking from experience, who probably wanted nothing more than to have more time with the father of his child. His eyes seemed to be telling them to take advantage of what little time they did.

Eldrie swallowed, and then he turned to face her. He readjusted his grip on her hand and with his free hand took her other. Kirito removed his hand and took a step back. His mouth opened and closed for a few beats, as he tried to figure out something to say. Alice smiled, amused by his nervous demeanor, and then lifted herself up on her toes to return his kiss from the day before. She planted it softly on his cheek.

“About what you said yesterday,” she said, nodding. “Me, too.”

She smiled at him, as he stared back at her, dumbfounded, and then turned to keep moving alongside Kirito. But Eldrie reached out and grasped her arm, holding her in place. She frowned at him, worried she’d messed up. He pulled her over to him, wrapped his arm carefully around her waist, and leaned over to press his lips into hers. Kirito let out a gasp of surprise, as if he hadn’t implied they should do exactly this.

“M-maybe I’ll…walk ahead…” he said, chuckling.

Alice and Eldrie immediately parted to stop him from waddling off on his own. Still quite red-faced, the pair walked him into the tent where Tiese and Ronye were waiting for him. Alice had to tell him to get back into the wheelchair to rest his leg some. She tried to brush off her embarrassment as she addressed the girls.

“Take good care of Kirito,” she said. “I am entrusting you both, and Eldrie, with a secret mission during this battle.”

The girls’ eyes widened. So, too, did Eldrie’s and Kirito’s. She gave Kirito an apologetic look as she turned to face the three who were unaware of this secret mission. She had to trust the people with Kirito’s life in their hands with this mission. As for Eldrie, he deserved to know what would happen to her at the end of all of this.

“A message came from Kirito’s world,” she said. “A man asked Kirito to bring me to the World’s End Altar and leave the Underworld. Kirito tells me that this is to the benefit of the Underworld, and I have decided to go of my own accord. I ask that you all aid us in getting to the altar. I will not expect you to come with me, but I would appreciate all of the help we can get.”

Shock was present on all of their faces. She’d expected no less. Kirito had likely presumed this mission would belong to the two of them alone, but she couldn’t trust herself to protect him and the baby alone. The other three likely wished to protest in some way or another. This was a huge decision to be tossed at them so suddenly. She turned to Eldrie and put a hand to her chest.

“If it’s permitted, I would like you to come with me to petition the gods that run this world,” she said, framing it in a way he might better understand. “I won’t be angry if you say no. But I would like you to go with me to save the Underworld.”

Kirito pushed himself out of the chair and grasped Alice by the arm.

“He hasn’t even broken the seal!” he said. “What if Rath won’t take him, too?”

Alice turned to face Kirito and gave him a stern gaze.

“Then you’ll tell them we go together,” she said. “As a team. If they will not take both of us, then they may not take either of us.”

Kirito’s eyebrows twitched.

“Alice, I’m going to accompany you!” he said. “You don’t have to ask Eldrie to—”

“You’re going to stay here!” she cried.

He let go of her arm and took a shaky step backwards.

“Enough of this foolishness, Kirito!” she said. “You love the baby. You hate being away from Eugeo. You want to leave. You don’t know what you want. You’re not healing by running away! I told you after the attack on Rulid and I will tell you once again—stop running away from your pain.”

All eyes were now on the swordsman in black. He lowered his head and wrapped his arm around his ribs. She walked over to him, took his cheek in her palm, and lifted his head so that she could see his eyes. They were brimming with tears. She gave him a small smile, though he likely didn’t want one after being admonished.

“Kirito, please,” she said. “Eldrie can accompany me. I won’t have to be alone. And you can stay here and meet your baby.”

She rested her other hand on top of his belly.

“It’s what Eugeo would want,” she said.

He just numbly nodded and then sat back down. Ronye placed a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it a little. Alice turned back to Eldrie and sighed. She was prepared to give her reasons as to why she would like for him to come along, but he held up his hand to stop her as soon as she opened her mouth.

“I’ll go,” he said.

Her heart skipped a beat in her chest.

“Just like that?” she said.

Eldrie frowned and brushed his fingers through his hair.

“I trust in the plan that my mentor set before me,” he said. “And as someone who loves her very dearly—not as a mentor, but as a man—the job to protect you as we enter a new world is something that I am willing and ready to take up.”

He reached out a hand to her, smiling in a princely manner.

“Shall we go, then?” he asked.

She nodded her head.

“To save the Underworld.”

_Together_, they finished silently in their heads.


	9. The Pain of Sacrifice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm a simple man. I see Kirito's trauma and I dive headfirst into it.

SAO was never like this.

Did I consider myself traumatized by having been a player of Sword Art Online? I suppose I’d never really thought about it. I knew that after leaving, some things bothered me more than they had before. Certain images or situations did something to my head. Having talked to Fanatio yesterday, I couldn’t help but recall the rush of adrenaline and horrible thoughts in my head as soon as she was unresponsive after our fight. My head had screamed at me, telling me I was a murderer again.

But as traumatic as SAO probably was, to have done something like that to my mind, this world was quantifiably different—in a far worse way. There was no pain in SAO. There was no agony other than that of the fear gripping you as your HP emptied. If you lost a limb, or even your life, it took seconds for you to go from existing to a collection of morbidly beautiful glass shards. You disappeared into nothingness, feeling no pain. And the people around you mourned, for sure, but it was quick.

Eugeo’s death was different.

I’d watched the love of my life bleed out. When Asuna had supposedly died in my arms in SAO, it hurt like hell. But she’d not suffered. Eugeo felt pain until his life was finally extinguished. He’d left the world slowly, cradled in my arms. What was left of him was soaked in blood at the torso. His skin was pale and cold. The light in his eyes was gone. His body grew heavier and weaker against my chest. His voice grew softer…softer…until it fell completely silent.

The suffering felt in this world was all too real. If SAO had traumatized me, then the Underworld was doing something far worse. As I sat in the camp with Tiese and Ronye, listening to the cries of nearby soldiers locked in combat, my heart felt heavy. People all around me were suffering and dying. Precious human lives were being extinguished. My palm itched to feel the hilt of my sword. I wanted to reach out with my sword and stop this madness.

Things were quiet inside of the camp. If I didn’t focus on the war, I was focused on these two girls. Tiese had promised to protect me, but as we sat in here, she refused to look at me. I didn’t blame her. The man she loved was dead, and the child he’d created was basically right here with her. She gazed out into the distance, refusing to turn around. Ronye, on the other hand, stood beside me, stealing awkward glances. I had to break the silence. This was too uncomfortable.

“I never asked how things went after we were taken away from the school,” I said.

Ronye turned to look at me. Tiese tensed up her shoulders a bit. A giggled escaped from Ronye’s lips.

“Always worried about someone other than yourself, aren’t you, Kirito-senpai?” she said.

I bit my lip and stared down at my lap.

“We didn’t have much time between when you two were arrested and the war preparations began,” she said. “Those who could fight well enough were drafted into the army. The rest I suppose were sent home or are still training in hopes of joining us. But, Kirito-senpai, I’m more curious about what you’ve been up to.”

I glanced up at her.

“Not much,” I mumbled.

She laughed and reached down to feel my belly.

“Maybe start with when _this_ happened,” she teased. “When are you due?”

I felt myself turning red. Was it okay to discuss this so closely to Tiese? I suppose Ronye wasn’t giving me much of a choice.

“It had to be the night after we were arrested,” I said. “If everything goes well, the baby should be here in around three months. Alice hopes the war will be over by then.”

Ronye hummed and nodded.

“When did you find out?” she asked.

I knit my brow.

“About a month ago,” I said.

She looked at me with wide eyes, probably wondering how that was possible. I didn’t blame her. As round as my abdomen was, it likely seemed difficult for her to imagine me missing something growing in my belly for that long. I pressed my hand to my belly and smiled.

“You see…I was basically in a coma for five months,” I said. “Right after Eugeo died, I have no memory of anything beyond receiving that special mission from the people in my world. Something must have happened to me. But I woke up from the coma because I felt a little kick in my belly. A certain someone needed me to wake up for her.”

Ronye giggled again. I didn’t see what was so funny about that.

“You want a girl, Kirito-senpai?” she asked, still giggling.

I chuckled back. Ah, so that’s what tickled her so.

“I…I guess,” I said.

Tiese finally turned around to face us, her eyes wandering over to my belly. She appeared to want to change the subject.

“In any case, it’s good that you’re able to get up and walk some now,” Tiese said. “Would you like to stretch your legs for a bit?”

Even if I said no, the girls were instantly on either side of me, pulling me up out of the chair to walk around. When I stood up, I took my sword and tied it on my left hip as best as I could. With my hand, I picked up Eugeo’s sword and held it to my chest. Tiese frowned at me and turned her gaze away again. Ronye glanced down at my sword and shook her head.

“Senpai, we’ll keep you safe,” she insisted. “You don’t need that.”

I wanted to tell her I trusted that, but I couldn’t risk telling her that my desire to go and fight was so strong that I already knew I was going to end up breaking my promise to Alice. As we walked around, I clutched Eugeo’s sword tighter. I didn’t know what I’d do if it came to me fighting. I couldn’t lift his sword without having my other arm. It had been a mistake to bring it with me.

“I know,” I mumbled.

Tiese turned to tell me something, but a shriek from one of the healers came from the front of the supply camp. Cries of people being slaughtered were freakishly close to us. I caught a glimpse of the form of a goblin just as Tiese grabbed my arm, Ronye grasped my shoulder, and the two ran me into a tent.

I dropped Eugeo’s sword as soon as the tent flap closed. I gasped and clutched my belly. Hadn’t I learned from back in Rulid? Running right now felt awful. My lungs, for the most part, were the part of me that hurt the most. My back didn’t quite like it, either, though. Ronye placed her hand on my back between my shoulders and rubbed it.

“I’m sorry to have made you run,” she said. “We should be safe in here.”

I nodded.

“Did they get past the front lines so quickly?” Tiese asked, her voice wavering.

Both girls cast a nervous glance at me. I straightened up and gave them as confident of a smile as I could. I made my way to about the middle of the tent, ready to sit down and catch my breath, when something fell down in the back half. Not thinking, I yanked my sword out of its sheath and pointed it into a back corner.

“Who’s there?!” I shouted.

Tiese gasped.

“Kirito, put that down!” she said.

I didn’t listen to her. As she reached around me to try and take the sword out of my hand, I pulled against her. I didn’t want to accidentally hurt her, but I also wasn’t about to let her tell me what I could or couldn’t do. I thought I might have to really put my full weight into it when the source of the noise revealed themself, with both hands in the air. The person in front of us was wearing full Integrity Knight armor. I recognized them from talking to a few knights the other day.

“I’m sorry to have scared you,” they said. “I’m Renly. Renly Synthesis Twenty-Seven.”

The girls and I blinked over at the knight.

“Why are you back here, Sir Renly?” Tiese asked. “Weren’t you assigned to the rear guard?”

The knight, whose name Tiese apparently was able to connect with his gender, swallowed and lowered his head.

“I’m a coward,” he admitted. “I came back here to hide, just like you’re doing.”

Ronye gave him a warm smile and placed one of her hands on the side of my belly.

“We’ve been given a special mission to protect a very small someone,” she said. “There are goblins invading the supply camp. We’ll do whatever it takes to make sure Kirito-senpai and this baby are both safe!”

Renly gave me a funny look. I tensed up. I suppose he might have had difficulty identifying my gender the same way I had been unsure about his. He studied my face for a moment, and then his eyes dropped down to armless right shoulder. He then looked over at the sword in my left hand. His eyes only rested for a brief moment on my abdomen before they met mine again.

“This is…Kirito?” he asked. “You’re Kirito? The one who overthrew the pontifex?”

I swallowed.

“Ah, yeah, I’m Kirito,” I said. “Nice to meet you, Renly.”

It made sense by now I was famous. Just when I’d escaped my fame and attention in the real world, even though it was tied to the SAO Incident, I’d turned around and made quite the accidental spectacle of myself here now, too. I felt Tiese let go of my arm. I wondered what I should say to Renly, who was just staring at me rather intensely. I heard Tiese yelp and turned around to see a sword rip through the fabric of the tent. She ha caught it with her own and was pushing against it.

“Tiese!” I exclaimed.

Ronye leapt forward to try and help her. I gripped my knuckles around the hilt of my blade.

“Do you still want to help?” Renly asked.

I looked back at him over my shoulder. He pointed a bit lower in my direction.

“Even like that?”

I stared down at my belly and wrapped my fingers tighter around the hilt.

“Because I’m like this,” I said, letting out a dry laugh. “I have someone I want to protect. I have many people I want to protect. I can’t just sit here while precious lives are being lost!”

I threw myself between the girls and brought my sword down, forming Vertical Square as best as I could with my left hand. It wasn’t easy, but my blade managed to follow the sword skill, and the goblin’s skin broke open, splattering me with fresh blood. My forward foot then caught on a wooden plank at my feet. I fell forward. Panicked, I turned myself to try and fall on my back instead. I gasped as the ground knocked the wind out of me.

“Kirito-senpai!” Ronye shouted.

I looked up and saw another goblin raising his weapon over his head. He was planning to bring it down hard on me. I bit my lip and covered my eyes with my arm. If this was how I had to exit the dive, I’d just apologize to Alice later. I gritted my teeth and waited for the moment when my body was split in two.

_Eugeo, I’m sorry_, I thought.

Something sounded like it cut through muscle and bone over my head. I pulled my arm away to see the goblin toppling over, spilling blood on me yet again. Tiese and Ronye hurried to make sure the dead body didn’t fall on me. I saw something spinning fly over my head towards the tent. I did my best to pick myself up enough to stare over my belly at Renly, who’d caught the object. It resembled a boomerang but had the sharp edges of a knife.

“Thank you, Kirito,” he said.

I blinked at him.

“For?” I asked.

He smiled.

“Reminding me of what I need to do,” he said.

The young Integrity Knight hurried out of the opposite end of the tent, sprinting back to the main battlefield. I found myself smirking at him. Whatever my actions had said to him, I couldn’t be mad. He’d found his reason to continue to fight, and that was all that mattered. Meanwhile, Tiese and Ronye picked me up and pulled me to my feet.

“Why are you so reckless?!” Tiese exclaimed. “You’ve gone and jostled your poor child!”

I frowned.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just didn’t want to see either of you get hurt.”

She drew in her breath, so red-faced that I thought Tiese, of all people, might yell at me. Ronye put her hand on her shoulder, shook her head, and then turned to me instead. She gave me a polite bow, which told me she was about to violate her own sense of manners to tell me off for her friend.

“Kirito-senpai, we’ve dedicated ourselves to keeping you alive to help Lady Alice for this mission,” she said. “Please, don’t insult us and our training by protecting us. We won’t get hurt. You and Eugeo-senpai trained us very well. You don’t have to fight. If we have to, we will lay down our lives to make sure this mission succeeds.”

I wanted to tell her to raise her head. I wanted to tell her that I was tired of seeing people die for my sake. I thought of Sachi and the Moonlit Black Cats, dying because I wasn’t strong enough to save them. I thought of Asuna throwing herself between me and Heathcliff to protect me from certain death. I thought of Leafa and Recon and Alicia and Sayaka sacrificing themselves to help me save Asuna. I thought of Sinon stepping out near a serial killer to help me win a battle she could really die in. I thought of Alice jumping in front of Administrator’s sword to keep me alive.

I thought of Eugeo—my beloved Eugeo—splintering and cracking under the pressure of trying to save me from Administrator. How his body was rent in two on account of me and how I’d held what was left of him in my arms while he departed the world, happy just to die for my sake. I gripped my sword, with all of these angry, pain-filled thoughts swirling around in my head, and I didn’t speak.

I screamed.

Ronye and Tiese were so shocked by my outburst that they took a few steps back. I lifted my sword and pointed it at them. Ronye recoiled a bit, clinging to her friend.

“I’m sick of people throwing away their lives for me!” I shouted. “You’re my friend! You’re my precious friend, Ronye Arabel! I’m not going to just sit here and watch if there’s a chance you could die, too!”

My hand shook, making the sword quiver between us. Angry tears spilled down my cheeks.

“No more, you understand?” I said, my voice cracking. “I won’t let anyone else die for me. No more…no more…”

I felt my knees give out. I dropped to the ground and leaned on my sword, choosing to stare down at the dirt instead of make eye contact with the girl I’d just shouted at. She couldn’t possibly know the pain deep down in my heart. But if I had to see Ronye and Tiese die for me, then I wanted no part of this mission. I would protect myself. No, I would protect my friends.

A pair of shoes appeared at the edge of my vision. I lifted up my head to see Ronye crouching down in front of me. She took my face in her hands and smiled at me.

“How about we fight together, then, senpai?” she said.

I forced myself to smile back at her.

“I suppose I can’t convince you otherwise, can I?” she said, choking on a half-sobbing laugh. “You’re so stubborn, Kirito-senpai.”

I laughed with her.

_I suppose I am._


	10. A Lover's Broken Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It's out of my update order, I know, but I got a scene in my head and I was like...welp. Time to focus on this fic for too long.

After a while, Renly moved us into the supply camp where there were wagons we could stay inside. Tiese and Ronye practically herded me into one of them, insisting that I sit down for a moment. They sat the swords down on the floor and handed me some water to drink. I gulped it down, not having realized how thirsty I was. Ronye waited for me to finish with the water before she handed me a bread roll.

“It looks like we’ll be safe here for a bit while we follow Lady Alice’s unit,” Tiese said. “I think they’re going to break away soon to try and head for the World’s End Altar.”

Ronye gave her a nod. She watched me tear through the roll for a moment, and then she handed me another when my hand was free. My stomach was pleased with the presence of food. I wouldn’t get a full meal until we stopped, I was sure, but this would do the trick for now. I wanted to selfishly ask her for another one. Her hands were clearly empty, though. I stuffed the last of the roll in my mouth and sighed, rubbing my stomach. It felt so empty. I leaned back in the chair and groaned.

“I can hear your belly growling from here, senpai,” Ronye teased. “Is someone hungry?”

She bent over and rubbed my belly, smiling. I frowned down at my gut and sighed.

“I feel like I could eat a whole dragon,” I whined. “But I think the buttons on my pants would fly off if I ate _that_ much.”

Ronye giggled at my comment and then glanced back over at Tiese.

“What can you see out there?” she asked.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she squinted out of the window in the rear of the wagon. One hand was pressed against the panes; the other was on the hilt of the sword at her hip. After the goblin attack earlier, I think she was expecting another enemy to run into the area and threaten us again. I saw her grip tighten around the hilt.

“Something’s coming after the group,” she mumbled.

I frowned. I pushed myself up out of the chair, to Ronye’s protest, and walked over to stand beside her. She gave me a sideways look. Our gaze met for only a moment before we turned to stare out of the window at the spectacle. She was right. Something unnatural was in the air and heading directly for a group that I knew for certain included Alice.

“What…what is that?” I stammered.

Tiese shook her head.

“I have no idea,” she whispered.

It was dark and writhing. Logically, it was just a form of sacred arts—but it looked much more vile. Dark arts would likely be the name for it, if I had to take a guess. This system, that considered the people outside of the Human Empire to be denizens of a Dark Territory, likely had such a simple term as that. Rath’s civilization simulation was nothing more than a fantasy clash between light and dark.

A dragon split off from the group and sped off in a different direction, surpassing the others. I squinted my eyes. It was Eldrie; I’d recognize his hair anywhere. The writhing, dark spell curved and chased after him, leaving the main group alone. I heard Tiese gasp beside me. I saw Alice separate from the group and start to yell something at Eldrie.

_Whatever that is, it’ll kill him_.

The surety of this somehow seeped into my soul. But Eldrie couldn’t die here. He had to follow Alice into the real world to talk to Rath. If he died here, her heart would be as broken as mine was, and she, too, would try to abandon her mission, just as I wanted to abandon my duty to Eugeo’s child. Something had to be done.

But who was I to do something? My body had protested when I’d wanted to protect my juniors from the goblin attack—it would certainly do the same now. I clutched my belly and silently begged for the baby to bear with me. Then I reached my hand down and threw the door open, surprising Tiese.

“Kirito-senpai!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing?!”

I furrowed my brow at her.

“If I’m not allowed to escape my fate, then neither is he!” I said.

I stumbled out of the wagon and ran a few mels away from it, trying to keep my eyes on Eldrie. The dark arts were surrounding him, as if they were trying to swallow him whole. His weapon, the Frostscale Whip, was in Perfect Weapon Control already and the god of all snakes was doing its best to fight back against the wormlike magic trying to consume its master.

_What am I even doing out here?_

Ignoring that thought, I reached up my hand and screamed his name. From behind me, Tiese and Ronye caught up and grasped onto my sides, trying to drag me back to the wagon. I had to think. There had to be a way to save Eldrie without jumping on a dragon and swinging my sword. I cared about him. About all of the people in this world. As I reached up, I poured my willpower into calling out to him.

_Live! _

I couldn’t let Alice suffer the same fate. Being torn away from the person you love is a wound that takes time to heal, and it wasn’t a pain I wished on anyone. As my heart longed to bridge the gap between myself and Eugeo, I put all of that longing into begging for Eldrie to live and return to embrace Alice the way I knew he wanted to. I pushed away from the girls holding me back and let out a scream.

“DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE HER TO ENTER MY WORLD ALONE, ELDRIE!” I exclaimed.

At that moment, I felt a wave of energy start to siphon out of my body. I could faintly hear Ronye and Tiese begging for me to stop whatever I was doing, but I wasn’t going to stop. Not until I knew Eldrie was safe. I kept reaching up for the sky, crying out to him with my soul, until a bright, warm light filled the sky. The dark arts started to evaporate around him. I relaxed myself, smiled when the writhing magic was all gone, and then collapsed onto the ground, panting. Tiese pushed me onto my side to force me to stop trying to hold myself up.

“You idiot…” she said. “Look at you! What about the baby?”

I pressed my hand to my belly. I could still feel movement. Everything was fine. I was just exhausted. I gave her a weak, likely very unconvincing smile, and then I felt my eyes roll back into my skull.

When I came to later, I was alone in the wagon with Tiese, who was offering her lap as a pillow. She was stroking my hair in a way that seemed very motherly. I almost hated to alert her that I was awake. For once, since our reuniting, she seemed to have a peaceful look on her face. But, in an effort to be a gentleman, I awkwardly pushed myself up, which caused her to yelp in surprise and then help me into an upright position.

“Why did you go and do that?” she asked.

I blinked at her, still a bit dazed.

“If you’d killed Eugeo’s baby, I think I wouldn’t have been able to hold back,” she said. “Please, senpai. Be very careful. I understand that you want to help. If anyone knows that, it’s Ronye and I. Your heart is so big. I know it’s hurting being in the middle of a battlefield. But please. Don’t do that again. How many times must we ask you?”

I gave her a dry laugh.

“A lot, I’m afraid,” I admitted. “Tell me, is Eldrie alright?”

She nodded.

“Good,” I said.

Her expression fell for a moment, but it was soon interrupted.

“Enemy attack! Enemy attack!”

My eyes widened.

“Is that…is that Ronye?” I stammered.

Tiese stood up and snatched up her sword. I went to move, but she pointed a finger at me, giving me a dangerous glare. I hadn’t even thought that Tiese could make such a face. I swallowed and sat back.

“Stay put until someone comes for you,” she ordered.

She flew out of the wagon, off to aid her best friend. I wondered what could have happened. I got up and waddled over to the window. It looked like some humans from the Dark Territory had invaded the camp. I bit my lip and glanced back at my sword. I had half a mind to go and get it, but then something unexpected happened. The night sky lit up like daylight. A bright light, a bit like aurora borealis, streaked across the sky. The earth opened up and swallowed people whole—only our enemies, though. I scanned the area for the source of that energy, and then my eyes rested on a figure coming down from the sky.

“N…no…” I stammered.

I swallowed.

“It can’t be…”

But I’d know that face anywhere.

“Asuna?”


	11. Consequence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Goes out of order because I'm hyperfixating goes out of order because I'm hyperfixating-

I staggered back away from the door, suddenly filled with dread. I tried to think back to what I remembered. When I’d contacted Kikuoka in the real world, just before my Fluctlight had been damaged, he’d mentioned something about getting Asuna to safety. So it logically followed that Asuna was there with them at Rath. A part of me wondered why they would send her in, but then I recalled that the acceleration rate was probably back to normal after the call ended. They wouldn’t know so quickly whether or not my Fluctlight was active in here. They’d sent her in before realizing I was awake.

Leaning forward, I glanced out of the window. Asuna had landed on the ground and was talking to Tiese and Ronye. The girls were indicating this wagon. I felt a pit form in my stomach. On the one hand, for me, it had been years since I’d seen Asuna. A familiar face from the real world filled my heart with a joy I hadn’t known could exist in it. On the other, I knew this reunion would be unpleasant. I clutched my belly and found myself laughing from the nerves.

“She’s going to kill me…” I muttered.

As they headed back towards the wagon, I turned away from the door and awkwardly made my way back towards the chair. Beside it, on the floor, were the swords. I slowly knelt down and rested my hand on the sheath of Eugeo’s sword. I bowed my head and sighed. Now was the time to face what I’d done—a crime committed against both Asuna and Eugeo. I heard the door creak open behind me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “If you’re in there listening…I’m so sorry.”

The sound of three sets of shoes clacked against the floorboards. I tensed up. There was no getting around this reunion now.

“Kirito-kun?”

A voice I hadn’t heard in nearly three years. Even as I feared her reaction when I turned around, my eyes filled with tears. I wanted to turn around and leap at her, wrapping my arm around her to hug her tightly. That would never excuse me, but it would at least give me some warmth. Instead, I turned my head over my shoulder and picked my hand up to hide my mouth and nose. The tears leaked down my cheeks.

Asuna’s face tugged at my heartstrings. Her eyes, too, were filled to the brim with tears. She hurried over to me and moved as if to drop down. She stopped, though, and gave me a confused look.

“You’re awake,” she whispered.

I swallowed and nodded.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice wavering. “I’m sorry, Asuna, I…you came all of this way and…”

She knelt down behind me and reached out a hand to cup my face. I dropped my hand down and clutched my stomach.

“It’s okay, Kirito-kun,” she said. “I’m here now. Everything’s going to be okay now.”

The guilt swelled up in my chest. She couldn’t tell between the lighting and this angle. I had to tell her. Or I had to turn around. I didn’t want to break her heart. I wanted to slip out of the system without her ever knowing and spare her these difficult feelings. I wanted to tell her to go back and tell Kikuoka that I would get the job done.

“Senpai, who is she?” Ronye asked. “Your sister?”

I choked on a sob and shook my head. Asuna turned back to the girls, shaking her head as well.

“No, no,” she said. “We’re engaged to be married. I’m his fiancée.”

I didn’t even have a chance to ease Asuna into it. Ronye’s face went pale immediately. Tiese’s eyes filled with rage. I think she’d connected the dots that she wasn’t the only heart broken in my foolishness. Asuna glanced between the two girls for a moment, and then turned back to me with a quizzical look on her face. Tiese stepped forward and jabbed a finger at me.

“You _jerk_!” she exclaimed. “Did Eugeo know?”

Asuna blinked at me.

“Who…who’s Eugeo?” Asuna asked.

My mouth opened and closed as I tried to think of the best response. If I got too stressed out, it would be bad for the baby, but I couldn’t steady my pulse. Tiese was angry. Ronye looked betrayed. And Asuna…I wasn’t ready for her reaction when she connected the dots. It was either let Tiese spill the information for me or own up to it myself. I held my hand up over my head and drew in a breath.

“Please, Tiese,” I said. “She shouldn’t hear it from someone else.”

I heard Tiese take a step back. I lowered my hand a bit.

“Could one of you help me stand up?” I asked, my voice wavering. “Gently, please.”

I felt Asuna reach over and grasp my arm. She slowly helped me stand up. I lowered my arm, sighed, and finally turned around to face her. She was looking at my face. I glanced down at my stomach and then back up at her. She followed my gaze. As her eyes rested on my belly, she gasped and took a step back. She pressed her hands over her mouth. She shook her head.

“Eugeo was my partner,” I said.

Asuna shook her head again.

“You…you didn’t…” she stammered.

I pressed my hand to my belly.

“This is all that’s left of him,” I mumbled. “His child.”

Asuna dropped down to her knees, buried her face in her hands, and let out a heartbroken wail. I wanted to kneel down and comfort her—after all, she’d come here to see me. I took a step towards her, but Tiese gave me another uncharacteristic glare and then knelt down to embrace Asuna as she wept. I awkwardly glanced over at Ronye. She shook her head at me.

“Why, senpai?” she asked.

It was such a difficult question to answer. I knew I’d been wrong, even as I’d slept with Eugeo I knew that. Could I back myself up with fear being an excuse? I doubted it. It was the only thing I had. What had been my exact thoughts in that moment? When had I fallen out of love with Asuna and fallen in love with Eugeo? It all came down to one truth that should have been shared with Eugeo when we’d confessed our feelings.

Staring down at my belly, I thought about it. It had been at the academy that I’d realized it. I’d told myself back then that when I was able to leave the Underworld, I would have a serious discussion with Asuna and Eugeo. But the feeling we’d both experienced after being thrown in prison had overwhelmed us. I think we both feared the other’s death so much that we’d broken a rule that should have never been broken. I looked back up at Ronye and frowned.

“There’s no acceptable answer,” I said. “Thinking that Eugeo might die wasn’t an excuse. In the moment, I thought it was, but since I’ve woken up, I’ve had this constant reminder that I screwed up. In a selfish moment where I feared losing him, I managed to hurt three people. I hurt Asuna by going behind her back. I hurt Eugeo by never mentioning Asuna. And I hurt Tiese by stealing Eugeo away from her.”

Tiese shook her head.

“Eugeo-senpai was never mine to steal,” she said. “I’m hurt that he chose you, but I’m not the woman you’ve wronged here, Kirito.”

Drawing a breath, I walked over to where Asuna and Tiese were sitting in the floor and carefully got down on my knees in front of her. Tiese pulled away, giving me a warning look, and then let me have this moment with the woman I knew would probably leave me for my sins against her. I took one of Asuna’s hands and pulled it away from her face.

“In truth, I wanted to leave the STL and all of this behind and return to the real world with you as if it had never happened,” I said, watching as she lifted her eyes to me again. “I figured I deserved to live with that guilt silently until I died.”

Asuna frowned at me. There was hurt in her eyes, but I detected a hint of pity in them as well. I couldn’t think of why she would pity me. Asuna was a kind soul; she had a pure heart and was very headstrong. But even that didn’t explain the way she was looking at me now. She shook her head at me, to my surprise, and then she pulled me into a gentle hug. She let out a stressed-sounding laugh.

“This is punishment enough, isn’t it, Kirito-kun?” she said, her voice wavering from crying.

I nodded my head and wrapped my arm around her. She shouldn’t have been the one consoling me in this moment. Yet her kindness surpassed even my understanding. Asuna held me there while I cried and told her over and over again that I was sorry. The whole time, the only thing she said to me was that it was okay. I wasn’t sure I was convinced. At some point, we’d have to sit down and discuss this, but on a battlefield was the wrong time to do it.

When I’d finally stopped crying, Asuna sat back and frowned down at my belly again. She reached over and pressed her hand against it. Even heartbroken, she must have had the same thought I’d had when I’d woken up. This all felt so real. Her eyebrows lifted when she felt a kick. I let out a small chuckle.

“Too real, isn’t it?” I mumbled.

She nodded.

“Why are you on the battlefield in this condition?” she asked. “It’s clearly been a while since this happened…but the war hasn’t been going on that long, has it?”

I shook my head.

“Only about a day or so,” I said. “Kikuoka asked me to take Alice to the World’s End Altar. I’m here to fulfill that mission. I presume that’s why I dove in the first place. I just…I just have a hard time remembering going in to dive. Maybe it’s just been so long…”

Asuna bit her lip.

“Kirito,” she said. “You don’t remember diving because you weren’t awake when you dove.”

I blinked at her, confused.

“Are you saying I was asleep when I dove?” I said, laughing. “That doesn’t make any sense. Kikuoka and Higa wouldn’t start the STL without me being aware.”

Asuna swallowed.

“They had no choice,” she said. “Not that I want to side with them on the matter, but…they were doing this to save your life.”

My eyes widened.

“Wait,” I said. “Save my life?”

She nodded.

“You don’t remember at all, do you?” she said, choking on something between a sob and a laugh. “We were walking home from Dicey Café. And a stranger walked up to us asking for directions. You were suspicious. And you were right to be. He was Johnny Black.”

I straightened up.

“The…the last Death Gun,” I said.

Asuna grasped my hand again.

“You held him off to protect me, and…”

She didn’t have to fill it in for me.

“Am I…am I…dying?” I stammered.

She squeezed my hand.

“Your heart stopped,” she said. “I saw you flatline on the program on my phone. By the time your heart was going again, you’d been essentially dead for five minutes. They said the lack of oxygen to your brain had caused severe neural damage. They said you might never wake up again.”

I felt myself starting to shake. If this was true, then that meant I wasn’t diving with an explicit purpose until I’d placed that call to Kikuoka. I was simply inside of the machine. It made sense. If I thought about it, it was a solid hypothesis. By stimulating my neural activity, it was possible to coax my brain into healing itself.

“I’m…I’m in a coma…” I mumbled.

Asuna nodded.

“On top of that, when the attackers cut the main power line, it severely damaged your Fluctlight,” she said. “I’d come in because we presumed you to be in a comatose state in here as well. They said your Fluctlight couldn’t repair itself. But you seem to be fine in that regard. What on Earth must have repaired your Fluctlight?”

I glanced down at my belly and slipped my hand out of hers to stroke it.

“I felt a flutter,” I said.


	12. Alice's Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm so sorry about the drama I am I am so freaking sorry-
> 
> IT JUST HAS TO GO THIS WAY!

A woman had come down from the skies, splitting open the earth with just a flick of her delicate wrist. Alice at first had considered her to be a threat. But as she reached the wagon where Kirito was, the man hobbled out of the wagon and immediately started to introduce the woman to Alice. In a rather complicated twist, she’d come from his world to save him and help Alice make it to the World’s End Altar. She was an ally.

At Kirito’s insistence, as well as Bercouli’s, the woman called Asuna joined the knights in a meeting to discuss the plan to head east. Asuna explained the world that she and Kirito had come from, and she explained why the people of the Dark Territory were coming. She gave the secret mission that Kirito had told her to all of the knights freely, stating the importance of Alice’s reaching the altar and going to speak with the people who’d created this world.

Her information had been helpful and rather vital. She filled in a lot of the pieces that Kirito lacked, and they were able to form a strategy off of that. Asuna protested Alice taking Eldrie with her to the other world, but Kirito very firmly told her that he would explain himself to one of the humans in their world. With that settled, Alice broke off from the group, pulling Kirito along with her back to their tent. But as they walked away, Asuna cleared her throat and walked up beside them.

“Please allow me to take care of Kirito,” she said.

Alice narrowed her eyes at this woman. Just because she’d come from Kirito’s world didn’t mean that she suddenly got to be in charge here. Alice stopped and turned to Asuna, giving her a polite but strained smile.

“We have pages who care for him while I’m off fighting,” she said. “But he resides with me in my tent so that I can protect the child.”

For some reason, there was a painful look on Asuna’s face.

“I’m not here to hurt him,” she said. “I just want to be alone with him. We have some things that we need to discuss.”

Alice looked back at Kirito, who was suddenly looking away. He was back to being quiet and looking a bit sullen. She felt something defensive start to rear its ugly head in her chest. There was clearly a history present between these two that she couldn’t erase. Asuna likely had known Kirito longer than her, and she understood that. Whatever Asuna was to Kirito, she knew it was best not to question it. But Kirito was now her friend, too. She wanted to protect his already fragile heart.

“Anything you can say to Kirito, you can say to me,” she said. “You’re welcome to follow me to my tent. I won’t mind a third person there overnight.”

Both Kirito and Asuna shared a funny look. They must have realized they had no choice, however, so they trailed along after Alice without a complaint. Alice led them into her shared tent and immediately made Kirito sit down on the makeshift bed they’d set up. She noticed that some food had been left for them. She picked it up and set it down next to him urging him to eat. She then turned to Asuna.

“They only anticipated two of us,” she said. “You may have mine while I go and get a third tray.”

Asuna shook her head.

“I’m fine,” she said. “The meal you already gave me was enough for now.”

Sighing, Alice started to remove her armor and excused herself to change into her night clothes. When she returned, Asuna had apparently changed in front of Kirito. She felt heat rise into her cheeks. She was so forward with him. Were humans in their world simply like that? She saw Asuna pulling Kirito’s nightshirt around him and tying it up for him. She stepped over to the pair and gave them an odd look.

“You’re awfully forward with him,” Alice noted.

Kirito frowned.

“Ah…Alice,” he said. “I’m sorry I didn’t explain earlier. Asuna is my fiancé from my world.”

Alice felt as though she’d been slapped.

“You’re…you’re engaged?” she stammered.

Kirito gave Asuna a sideways glance.

“Well…I suppose I was…” he muttered.

Asuna said nothing. She finished tying off the shirt and coaxed him into sitting back down. She sat down beside Kirito and fussed over him much like a wife might. She was messing with his hair and brushing crumbs off of his front as he quietly ate his dinner. He showed no opposition to this, but Alice couldn’t help but wonder—it was evident that Kirito had slept with someone other than her. Why wasn’t Asuna distancing herself from him? Here she was, treating him just as she would treat him if nothing had happened between the two.

_He must have told her that the father is dead,_ Alice thought.

It was the only explanation she could think of. While this behavior certainly would have never worked for Alice, she could at least understand that Asuna perhaps realized the competition for Kirito’s heart was gone. She wanted to know if the woman really would think that way, but she feared asking such an insensitive question, especially within earshot of Kirito. He still very much so loved Eugeo. Asuna reached over and smoothed down his shirt over his belly. Curiously, she had a sad smile on her face.

“Your little one seems healthy,” Asuna said quietly.

Kirito just hummed.

“I know you probably don’t want to do this right now, especially with Alice in the room,” Asuna said, “but I don’t want to carry this hurt out onto the battlefield, Kirito. It would be a lie to say that I’m not angry. But I do understand that you’ve been agonizing over your mistake for a while now. You told me that you’d wanted to go back to our world and hide this, but don’t you think it’s better this way?”

He gave her a weird look.

“Does knowing somehow make you feel better than not knowing?” he asked.

She nodded.

“I don’t want you to bear this pain alone,” she said. “I still love you. For me, it’s only been a few days. But for you, you’ve been in pain for a while. I know you know you were wrong. I know you regretted not waiting to talk with me first. I can hear it in your voice.”

Kirito nodded.

“We can work through this when we go home,” she said. “Because I don’t want to lose you.”

Alice felt her heart grow heavy. She stood up and glanced over at Asuna, and then she turned to face Kirito.

“You’re going to leave?” she asked. “After everything I’ve said, you’re going to leave and not let the baby live?”

Asuna frowned.

“We don’t know when we’re going to leave,” she said. “His supervisor will let us know when it’s safe for Kirito to log out. And I will stay with him as long as he’s logged in. But if we have to go, he can’t stay here. He has a mother and a father and a sister back in our world waiting for him to heal and come home safely.”

Alice clenched her hands into fists. This woman was trying to undo everything Alice had worked so hard to accomplish. She was fighting for the life of Eugeo’s child. She could not let this other worlder come in here and reverse Kirito’s decision to stay and deliver the baby. She had to convince Asuna to let the baby live, too. It was the only way she’d ensure that Eugeo lived on in this world. She stepped forward and stood over the pair, trying to control her emotions.

“Return to this woman’s side if that’s what you want, Kirito,” she said. “But you both need to promise me that you will not leave until this baby is safely in someone’s caring arms. If you really must leave, wait until the child comes to join me in your world. And you must ensure that the baby is given to people who love her.”

Kirito’s face scrunched up. He dropped his fork and pressed his hand to his belly. Asuna put her hand on top of his, causing him to look up at her. He swallowed.

“It’ll be about another four months…” he said, trailing off.

Asuna nodded.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll stay with you until the time comes,” she said. “As much as I don’t want to acknowledge that you’re having someone else’s baby, I know that the Kirito I love so much would never want to end someone’s life just to be selfish. This baby deserves a chance to live, too, right?”

If Alice wasn’t mistaken, there were tears leaking from the corners of Asuna’s eyes. It hurt her so much to see this. But Eugeo had passed on. If Asuna was willing to take Kirito back, it would be good for his broken heart. Alice had to let this happen, even if she felt it was unfair to Eugeo. Eugeo would want Kirito to have someone’s shoulder to cry on. Kirito reached over and pulled Asuna into a hug. Alice allowed herself to smile. Asuna’s eyes opened and looked over at her. The woman appeared to silently be telling her that it was okay.

_I wish more people were as kind as Asuna_, she thought.

A soft knock pulled her out of the moment. Kirito and Asuna pulled apart and glanced over at the entrance of the tent. Alice walked over and opened the flap to see Ronye standing there with one of the platoon leaders, a noble woman by the name of Sortiliena Serlut. She blinked at them. Ronye had something wrapped up in a tea cloth. She bit her lip and held up the item.

“I brought Kirito-senpai something sweet to eat,” she said. “He’s had a really stressful day, regaining his strength from saving Sir Eldrie, so I thought he might need something else to eat…”

Alice laughed.

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it,” she said.

Sortiliena stepped forward.

“I haven’t gotten a chance to speak with Kirito since he’s arrived in the camp,” she said. “I caught a glimpse of him at the meeting, though he was fairly bundled up. I wanted to see if he was alright, since I heard he’d been injured fighting.”

Alice glanced behind her. During the meetings, she’d had Kirito cover himself with a shawl so as not to alarm anyone who didn’t know he was pregnant. As was evident from Eldrie’s reaction, few would take it well that a pregnant individual would be on the battlefield. Kirito nodded over at her, telling her it was alright for the girls to come in. She held open the tent’s flap and Ronye scurried inside to present Kirito with his snack. Sortiliena thanked Alice and stepped inside. She stopped short as she watched Ronye unfold the tea cloth to show Kirito his treat.

“W-we tried our best to recreate a honey pie,” she was stammering. “I hope it’s good!”

Kirito laughed and thanked her. He immediately started eating some. Alice laughed and shook her head. Even now, he was still a bottomless pit when it came to food. She sat down where she’d been on the floor, and Ronye sat down beside her.

“If you’re not careful, that baby’s going to be huge,” she teased.

Kirito made a face and stuffed more of the pie in his mouth.

“I can’t help it,” he whined. “My stomach feels so empty.”

Sortiliena blinked her eyes and stared over at Kirito.

“I mentored you for half a year,” she said. “And yet I had no idea you were capable of being with child.”

Kirito sighed and swallowed.

“Well, I wasn’t intending to announce to the world that I was transgender,” he muttered. “ really slipped up in forgetting how Cardinal said reproduction works in this world…”

Asuna let out a laugh.

“Really, Kirito-kun,” she said. “You think of all people, you’d be very careful about the attention to these details.”

Alice wondered if Asuna’s commentary was forced. She supposed that was just how the woman coped. Sortiliena knelt down in front of the man she’d trained and reached out to grasp the empty sleeve on his right. She looked at it sadly and then cautiously reached out a hand to his belly. She tilted her head.

“Is it rude to ask who your husband is?” she asked.

Kirito frowned.

“I’m not legally married in this world,” he said. “I…I committed a Taboo.”

Sortiliena tensed up a bit. The humans of this world, bound by the Seal of the Right Eye, still felt very strongly about the unjust Taboo Index. To Sortiliena, Kirito’s crime was not one that could be excused so easily, but as she loved him as a pupil, she likely had it in her to excuse the fact that his pregnancy was illegitimate.

“Do you remember my friend?” Kirito said.

The noblewoman nodded her head.

“Eugeo,” she said. “Is he on this battlefield, too?”

Kirito shook his head.

“He lost his life in battle,” Kirito said, leaving out the nature of Eugeo’s death. “He died before he could learn that he was a father. Could I ask you not to tell Golgorosso-senpai? I don’t want him to feel ashamed of his disciple.”

Pursing her lips, Sortiliena nodded.

“May I tell him of Eugeo’s death?” she asked.

For a moment, Kirito seemed unsure. Something painful flashed in his eyes. His expression relaxed, however, and he nodded.

“Please tell him that Eugeo died a hero,” he said. “He died to protect the people of this world. With honor…and…”

As Kirito choked on his words, Asuna pulled him into a sideways hug. Alice suddenly understood why this conversation was so difficult. Kirito didn’t want to explain that Eugeo had fallen into Administrator’s trap and betrayed them. He was forcing himself to lie in order to paint Eugeo as a pure hero, one who’d never turned his sword on him. It must have felt even more painful now, knowing that Eugeo had turned his sword not just on his lover—but also on his unborn child.

“Perhaps we should let him be for the night,” Alice suggested.

Sortiliena and Ronye nodded and got to their feet. They quickly left the tent. Alice told Asuna that it was fine if she remained with them for the night. She watched as Asuna coaxed Kirito into laying down and waited for him to fall asleep. The woman turned to Alice as soon as he’d started gently snoring and gave her a pained look.

“I apologize for suggesting that we would leave before the baby comes,” she said. “If there is someone you think we should leave the baby with, then please let us know. I want to return to the real world as soon as I can so that we can work through this painful time and go back to normal. I am grateful that I can be the one to help him heal, but our daughter in the real world can never know about this. It would hurt her just as badly as it’s hurt me.”

Alice swallowed.

“Kirito said he’s never carried a baby before,” she said. “Was he lying?”

Asuna laughed.

“Yui-chan isn’t our actual child,” she said. “She’s just like you. A person made inside of a created world. But we love her as our own daughter. And our plan was never for him to carry our children. We would have gotten a donor so that I could carry our children. It must be very hard for him to be pregnant. He must feel very unpleasant. But his heart is fragile. Even though he’s told me before that he never wanted to carry a baby, he views lives to an extreme. He said if it ever happened, he’d never abort. That’s just the kind of person Kirito is.”

Alice couldn’t follow what that meant. But she understood the words to a degree. Even though Kirito didn’t want to go through pregnancy, he would still love and care for his child. She nodded and laid down against a pillow she’d placed on the ground.

“Yes, yes, it is,” she mumbled.

She heard Asuna lay down on the bed beside Kirito.

“I will protect them both, even if it hurts,” Asuna said.

Alice let her eyes slipped shut.

“Thank you,” she said.

Asuna hummed.

“But when this is over, I’m fixing our relationship,” she said. “When you come to the real world, please don’t encourage him to think about Eugeo.”

Alice felt a chill on her back. Ah, so there was the jealousy. It had felt nonexistent earlier, but now it was evident. Asuna desperately wanted Kirito back, and she wanted his heart to herself. She just gave her a nod and turned her back towards her. It was then that Alice decided to take a side. She’d been for Asuna reclaiming Kirito at first; after all, it was better for his heart. But if her intentions were to make Kirito forget about Eugeo altogether, she couldn’t stand by that. She was going to the real world, and it was there that she’d have to take a stand. If this world was created and manipulated by the humans of Kirito’s world, there was something dangerous she could ask that would heal Kirito’s aching heart but break Asuna’s heart once more. And she decided she had to do it if she got to the other worlders before Asuna did.

She would ask them to bring Eugeo back from the dead.


	13. The Desire to Protect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know I just updated this one, but I'm on a roll.

Having been in the back up until Eldrie’s near-demise, I hadn’t gotten a full glimpse of just how horrible the reality of war was. As we pulled out to continue heading east, the battle started to surround my cabin. Looking out of the windows showed the ugliness of war surrounding us. People around us were dying, and I was powerless to go and stop them. I had to try my best to turn my eyes away as blood was spilled around me. I started to pace around the cabin, trying to keep myself calm. Tiese had stationed herself at the door and had her arms crossed over her chest.

“Senpai, could you please sit down?” Ronye pleaded. “You’re going to wear yourself out. You’re still probably tired from using up so much energy to try and save Eldrie.”

I sighed and waddled over to the chair to sit down.

“Asuna’s out there fighting on account of me,” I groaned. “I feel guilty for dragging her into this.”

Ronye hummed and handed me a piece of bread. I started to nibble on it and thought about Alice’s words the night before. My appetite really had started to increase. When I’d first woken up, I had been able to resist eating a lot because my stomach was unused to a larger intake. If I ate too much, I’d get sick, which was particularly unpleasant as I adjusted to an unfamiliar weight in my gut. But over the past weeks, I’d started to eat more as I grew accustomed to eating normal portions again. When I’d complained about being too hungry, Selka had just giggled and told me I’d be hungry for a while. I finished up the bread and rubbed the top of my belly.

“When this war is over, I’m going to just sit down at a banquet table and eat until I feel like I can’t move…” I groaned.

Ronye giggled and handed me another piece of bread. I was less hesitant this time. I stuffed it in my mouth, and it was gone in a matter of seconds. I sighed and rested my hand on my belly. The baby must have felt comfortable, so it started kicking. I laughed and rubbed the spot where the kicking felt the strongest. I wondered how Rath even programmed such a thing. It was well beyond my current understanding of building a virtual world. Ronye excitedly reached up to feel the kicks. Even she could feel the movement in my belly. It was a seriously impressive bit of programming, I had to say.

“Good morning,” Ronye said. “Your papa says when this is all over, he’s going to really spoil you with a big meal!”

I laughed and adjusted myself.

“Maybe Alice is right,” I said. “If I eat too much, she’s going to be really chubby.”

Ronye giggled again.

“If anything, senpai, _you’re _the one who’s going to get chubby,” she teased.

I looked down at my belly and tried not to grimace. With about another four months to go, I would no doubt be growing rounder. I already felt like I had a small bowling ball in my gut. I got back up out of the chair and hobbled over to the window of the cabin. I knew better than to look, but I couldn’t help myself. I felt so useless.

“Are you sure you’re okay to be worried about her?”

I looked over at Tiese, who wasn’t looking at me. I supposed she meant Asuna.

“I know you’re mad at me,” I said. “But Asuna’s already told me she’s open to working through this with me. Even if, in the end, she refuses to stay with me, I’d like to at least spare my friendship with her.”

Tiese’s brow softened a bit.

“Do you still love her?” she asked.

I tensed up.

“I feel…confused,” I admitted. “I wanted to go to the real world and have a real discussion about this all. The way I felt about Eugeo was something I’ve never felt with anyone before. He made me feel complete. He was the closest person to my heart. Because of that, I thought to myself that I would have to confess to Asuna that she wasn’t the person closest to my heart. And you know, it hurt to admit it.”

Tiese finally looked over at me.

“Asuna and I met in a time where we were fighting desperately for our lives,” I said. “We fell in love in a time when we didn’t think that we would live to see our own families again. And when we returned home, we stayed together, clinging to one another because we felt alienated from the world. But when I came here, I suddenly had this fresh start. Eugeo didn’t see me the same way Asuna did. As I felt myself falling in love with him, guilt weighed down my heart. I love Asuna. She’s very dear to me. Breaking her heart was something I never wanted to do. But even if I returned to the real world with Eugeo and broke up with her there…her heart would still be broken.”

Ronye stepped towards us.

“Yesterday you said you wanted to leave our world and pretend what happened with Eugeo never happened,” she said. “Was it all just to spare her feelings?”

I felt a smile start to tug at my lips.

“I suppose that’s part of it,” I said. “The other part is that I wanted to leave Eugeo and the pain of losing him behind here. But I’ve promised to stay. At least until the baby arrives. Then I will return to my world and fix the distance I created between myself and Asuna.”

I placed my hand at the furthest point of my belly. That distance felt very literal. I sighed and gently stroked the spot as I felt the baby kicking around. As much as I wanted to just do as Asuna wished to spare her feelings, I was beginning to want to stay here. Alice’s words must have been getting to me. I loved the little life growing inside of me. When he or she finally arrived in this world, I didn’t want to just leave them with someone else and return to mine. I wanted to hold and raise my child.

_Eugeo, I’m confused._

I lifted my eyes and stared out of the window, directing them to where Asuna fought. She was a constant. When her body left this world, I would still see her again. Eugeo was gone. Clinging to a dead man probably seemed very foolish. Perhaps it wasn’t enough to just let go of the grief I harbored inside of me. I had to accept and acknowledge that Eugeo was dead. As I stared out at Asuna, I found myself chuckling. I’d refused to accept her as dead, too.

_I’m so pathetic._

Asuna swung her sword and cut through an onslaught of enemies. For a brief moment, I was taken out of my self-pity and focused on how determined and strong she was. I stared at her in awe as she fought, but then, cruel reality struck me with the back of its hand. A spear plunged itself in Asuna’s belly and ripped through her body to break free to the other side. She faltered for a moment, and then she thrust herself forward again to fight. Another spear ran her through. I felt my body starting to shake. She still kept on fighting, until at last her boot slipped on the wet surface of the ground. An enemy cut off her arm at almost the elbow. She started staggering a retreat towards us as quickly as she could.

“Asuna!” I exclaimed.

I hurried to the door to get out and run over to her. Tiese blocked me, and Ronye wrapped her arms around me to hold me still.

“Kirito, you really have to get ahold of yourself!” Tiese exclaimed. “This is getting old!”

I shook my head and tried to pull away, screaming.

“ASUNA! ASUNA!”

Tiese sighed and put all of her strength into pushing me into the back of the cabin. I struggled against her. After a bit of shoving, I finally broke free from the girls’ grasp and stumbled out of the cabin, screaming Asuna’s name as she took slow steps over to the wagon. Asuna lifted her head up and she smiled at me as tears streamed down my face. She made her way over to me as I scrambled over to her. I held up one shaking hand as I looked at her body.

She was dripping with blood from the spears sticking out of her. Her severed limb looked much the same. Blood stained that pure, white outfit and her otherwise clean skin. This was my fault. She’d come in here to protect me, and I’d been a fool. She was fighting alone. I should have been by her side, preventing her from feeling this pain. But Asuna reached out her hand to me and stopped me.

“I-It’s okay, Kirito-kun,” she said.

She waved that hand over her body, and the gaping wounds started to close up. The spears fell out of her and were replaced with a body that looked untouched by weapons. Her severed arm grew back as if it had never been removed. I looked her up and down frantically, making sure that the healing was complete. She held open both of her arms and gave me another smile.

“I’m okay, see?” she said. “Don’t worry.”

I let out a frustrated wail and fell forward into her arms. Asuna gently stroked my hair and hummed as I clung to her and sobbed like a child. She reassured me over and over again that she was okay. I heard Tiese and Ronye run up behind me, sighing.

“I’m so sorry, Lady Asuna,” Tiese said. “He absolutely refused to stay put.”

Asuna nodded her head.

“Kirito-kun is the sort of person who hates to see other people suffer,” she said. “He blames himself for a lot of things he shouldn’t. Right now, I’m sure he’s blaming himself for being weak and making me come after him to help with the war. Isn’t that right?”

I tensed up. I didn’t want to admit that she was right about this.

“I came here of my own free will, Kirito-kun,” she said. “Not because you’re weak, but because I want to help these people. I know you probably love the people of this world very much. I want to protect them while you’re unable to.”

She reached down and pressed one hand to the side of my belly.

“Right now, you have someone to protect who can’t protect themself,” she said. “And these girls want you to understand that. You have to rest on the sidelines, yes, but you’re protecting someone by doing that, okay? And this little one needs protection more than a thousand soldiers right now.”

I swallowed and just numbly nodded my head.

“K-Kirito!”

I lifted my head up and saw Alice, Eldrie, Bercouli, and Renly standing a ways behind Asuna, along with an Integrity Knight who hadn’t spoken to me at all, a woman named Sheyta. It appeared as though they were regrouping. It was Alice who’d said my name. She hurried over to where Asuna was holding me and she gave me an exasperated look.

“Why aren’t you in the wagon?” she sighed.

I felt my face scrunching up. Asuna pulled my head back into her chest and looked at Alice.

“He’s just a bit overemotional right now, aren’t you, Kirito-kun?” she said. “This is a bit of a difficult place for a pregnant person to be right now. I think his desire to protect the people he cares about it stronger than usual.”

I lifted my head up and frowned.

“Wh…what do you mean?” I said, sniffling.

Asuna laughed and patted my belly.

“Pardon the term, but I mean your maternal instincts,” she said. “While your body is growing another human, it’s also telling you to do certain things differently than before. So, your body is probably telling you that you have to protect everyone.”

I swallowed. I supposed that made sense.

“Wh-what is that?” Renly asked.

I looked over at him and followed his gaze. Hundreds of red lights like beacons lit up the battlefield, accompanied by a very unnatural sound. Among those lights, the armored bodies of soldiers appeared, the color of blood. They raised their weapons into the air and started letting out cries of excitement. Asuna gasped as the shouts filled the air.

“English…” she muttered.

I blinked at her.

“You can hear some of them?” I said.

She nodded her head.

“They’re speaking English…” she mumbled. “They’re from our world…they must be…Americans?”

Alice drew her sword and then stepped up beside Asuna.

“Kirito, return to the wagon,” she said. “And I’m not taking no for an answer. You get in that wagon and stay put unless we ask for you. Understood?”

I swallowed.

“U-understood,” I stammered.

I let go of Asuna and followed Ronye and Tiese back into the wagon. I frowned at the landscape as it filled up with the bodies of humans from our world. I suddenly had to wonder—what in the world kind of project had I gotten myself into back when this all started.


End file.
